1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:21,546 --> 00:00:26,546
Subtitles by explosiveskull

3
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<i>Here's the thing about
living with all women.</i>

4
00:00:29,003 --> 00:00:32,169
<i>There's constant
crying in the house.</i>

5
00:00:32,171 --> 00:00:33,739
<i>And they hate it
when I do that.</i>

6
00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:36,240
<i>It's like, first of all, you
know what I'm going through.</i>

7
00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:37,910
All right, you guys ready
for your first comedian?

8
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:38,977
<i>Let me hear it.</i>

9
00:00:38,979 --> 00:00:42,414
<i>Please give it up
for Nina Geld!</i>

10
00:00:42,416 --> 00:00:45,284
It's incredible, the things
us women could be getting done

11
00:00:45,286 --> 00:00:47,486
if we weren't always
defending ourselves

12
00:00:47,488 --> 00:00:48,820
from men trying to fuck us

13
00:00:48,822 --> 00:00:50,491
all the time.

14
00:01:03,904 --> 00:01:06,038
<i>Peace between Israel
and Palestine,</i>

15
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,739
<i>or Syria, or Saudi Arabia,
or whatever.</i>

16
00:01:07,741 --> 00:01:09,341
<i>We could have fixed that
a long time ago,</i>

17
00:01:09,343 --> 00:01:11,243
<i>but a bunch of dudes that just
couldn't stop thinking about</i>

18
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,645
<i>fucking that hot
Israeli translator.</i>

19
00:01:13,647 --> 00:01:14,782
<i>Just fuck!</i>

20
00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:20,018
<i>When I think about all the amazing
things men could have accomplished,</i>

21
00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:22,323
<i>if you weren't just trying
to fuck us all the time.</i>

22
00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:26,325
<i>You've made a breakthrough.</i>

23
00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:29,227
<i>You're about to find
the cure of cancer.</i>

24
00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:32,065
<i>But, ah, you just wanna
fuck your lab assistant.</i>

25
00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:33,665
<i>Fuck!</i>

26
00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,935
<i>Did you know, that's why we
haven't found a cure for cancer?</i>

27
00:01:35,937 --> 00:01:37,636
<i>It's because of
fucking lab assistants.</i>

28
00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:41,442
<i>You ready to see
a cool comic?</i>

29
00:01:42,476 --> 00:01:43,875
<i>This is fucking bullshit.</i>

30
00:01:43,877 --> 00:01:45,611
<i>Fucking girl comic.</i>

31
00:01:45,613 --> 00:01:47,312
<i>Why do I wanna fuck her?</i>

32
00:01:49,084 --> 00:01:52,184
<i>Because you always
want to fuck her.</i>

33
00:01:52,186 --> 00:01:54,119
<i>Remember that time you were
supposed to help your friend Jamie</i>

34
00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:55,520
<i>with her AP biology test,</i>

35
00:01:55,522 --> 00:01:57,456
<i>but you fucked her instead?</i>

36
00:01:57,458 --> 00:01:59,124
<i>She failed that test.</i>

37
00:01:59,126 --> 00:02:00,827
<i>Instead of graduating,
getting her doctorate</i>

38
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,061
<i>and going on to
solve the energy crisis,</i>

39
00:02:02,063 --> 00:02:04,396
<i>she lives with her mother now
and manages a Lids.</i>

40
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,034
That's on you.

41
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:10,571
That's on you and
your dumb, dumb dick.

42
00:02:13,708 --> 00:02:17,309
Okay. I know I'm not supposed to
talk about my pussy on stage,

43
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,413
because men never
talk about their dicks,

44
00:02:20,447 --> 00:02:21,848
but here's the thing.

45
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,083
I bleed through my pussy
every month.

46
00:02:24,085 --> 00:02:27,354
In fact, I'm... I'm bleeding
through my pussy right now.

47
00:02:28,589 --> 00:02:30,023
On stage.

48
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,224
And here's something else
you probably don't know.

49
00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:35,028
Just before I get my period
every month,

50
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,863
and over the next
day or two,

51
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,430
I get diarrhea.

52
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,668
I do. And I'm not
the only one either.

53
00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:43,069
It happens to a lot
of us women.

54
00:02:43,071 --> 00:02:44,904
- Okay?
- Whoo! Yeah.

55
00:02:44,906 --> 00:02:48,541
When I go to the bathroom and I'm done
shitting liquid while I check Facebook,

56
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:53,079
I look down, it's like a scene
from fucking <i>Saving Private Ryan.</i>

57
00:02:53,081 --> 00:02:55,081
It's just like
a massacre in there.

58
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,182
But weirdly no men.

59
00:02:57,184 --> 00:03:00,185
No Matt Damon,
just the all female reboot.

60
00:03:00,187 --> 00:03:02,254
I read there's
a German word for it.

61
00:03:02,256 --> 00:03:03,956
"Bloodshitza."

62
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:06,392
I bet in Canada
the National Health Service

63
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,596
gives you a fucking day off
for bloodshitza.

64
00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:10,295
Oh, no!

65
00:03:10,297 --> 00:03:11,898
Oh, no. Stay home,
watch some hockey

66
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,368
and just shit that blood out.

67
00:03:14,536 --> 00:03:16,602
Nina Geld, everybody.

68
00:03:16,604 --> 00:03:18,907
She's horny as fuck, right?

69
00:03:20,775 --> 00:03:24,112
Give it up for
our next comic, Mike Hall.

70
00:03:26,347 --> 00:03:28,548
Nina Geld.
Round of applause for her.

71
00:03:29,884 --> 00:03:32,518
I'm supposed to say, like, she's
really funny, but she's hot.

72
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:33,953
She's red smoking,

73
00:03:33,955 --> 00:03:35,955
oh, my God, take you
out of your game hot,

74
00:03:35,957 --> 00:03:37,824
and I want to fuck her.

75
00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,726
She can put me
in a dungeon, tie me up,

76
00:03:39,728 --> 00:03:40,793
and play Phil Collins,

77
00:03:40,795 --> 00:03:44,198
and I would
still be bonerific...

78
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,500
Murderer.

79
00:03:47,502 --> 00:03:48,701
When are you gonna fuck me?

80
00:03:48,703 --> 00:03:50,570
Like, this dance is stupid.

81
00:03:50,572 --> 00:03:53,209
Lose some weight, you fat fuck.
Look at yourself.

82
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,908
If I lose weight
you'll fuck me?

83
00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:57,376
'Cause I'll lose...
I'll lose weight.

84
00:03:57,378 --> 00:03:59,679
You know why I will
really never fuck you, Mike?

85
00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:01,380
It has nothing to do with your weight.
You know why?

86
00:04:01,382 --> 00:04:03,015
No, it has everything to do
with my weight.

87
00:04:03,017 --> 00:04:04,450
I'm a big, fat fuck.

88
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,252
It's because there's not a single
original bone in your body.

89
00:04:06,254 --> 00:04:08,188
I'd like to put an original
bone in your body.

90
00:04:08,190 --> 00:04:10,157
Have fun jacking off
to me tonight, right?

91
00:04:10,159 --> 00:04:12,094
Jacking off to you is gonna
be the best part of my night.

92
00:04:12,894 --> 00:04:14,161
You're filthy.

93
00:04:14,163 --> 00:04:16,931
You are filthy
when I jack off to you.

94
00:04:23,705 --> 00:04:26,140
We're not driving.
We're taking the Uber chopper.

95
00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:27,607
Have you guys checked
that out yet?

96
00:04:27,609 --> 00:04:30,179
Look, man. It should be a good weekend.
It gets a little wild.

97
00:04:30,946 --> 00:04:32,114
Uh...

98
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,185
Hi. Wanna buy me
a drink?

99
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,452
You're, uh...
You're forward.

100
00:04:39,454 --> 00:04:42,555
Well, you make more than me,
so it's only fair.

101
00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:43,924
Well, what do you do?

102
00:04:43,926 --> 00:04:45,625
I'm a comedian.

103
00:04:45,627 --> 00:04:46,894
You're a comedian?

104
00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:48,594
So then of course
you'll tell me a joke?

105
00:04:48,596 --> 00:04:50,563
Hmm. No.

106
00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:52,465
No? Well, I don't know
if I want to buy you a drink

107
00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:53,867
if you're not gonna
tell me a joke.

108
00:04:53,869 --> 00:04:55,535
Do you wanna
just go, then?

109
00:04:55,537 --> 00:04:56,669
Do I want to?

110
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,670
Let's go.

111
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,438
Yeah, okay.

112
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,176
So, is this whole, like,
cougar thing common for you?

113
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:03,609
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

114
00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:05,913
Did you just say... Did you just use...
Oh, God.

115
00:05:05,915 --> 00:05:07,214
No, did I say that?

116
00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:08,550
- Did you just say cougar?
- No, I didn't.

117
00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:10,383
How am I a cougar?

118
00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:12,318
I swear, I'm like
three years older than you.

119
00:05:19,161 --> 00:05:21,094
- Jesus Christ, Joe.
- Who is this guy?

120
00:05:21,096 --> 00:05:22,229
Hey, who the fuck
is this guy?

121
00:05:22,231 --> 00:05:23,396
Who am I?
Who are you, man?

122
00:05:23,398 --> 00:05:25,098
Jesus... How did you
get in here?

123
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,465
- No...
- What are you...

124
00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:28,237
It doesn't matter
who he is, okay?

125
00:05:29,104 --> 00:05:31,305
Okay. Uh...
I'm gonna go.

126
00:05:31,307 --> 00:05:33,506
- Stay.
- You should fucking leave.

127
00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:34,608
Uh...

128
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:36,442
Hey, Ken.

129
00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:39,146
I asked you to come up here,
and I want you to stay. Okay?

130
00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:41,684
Okay. Uh, it's Cy actually...

131
00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:43,183
Cy. Fine.

132
00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:44,751
Looks like you already
got a Ken.

133
00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:46,019
That works out.
That's great.

134
00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:47,420
So I'm gonna sit
this one out.

135
00:05:47,422 --> 00:05:48,288
She'll be fine.

136
00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:49,723
Look at that.
You'll be fine.

137
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,091
Works out perfectly.

138
00:05:51,093 --> 00:05:52,526
Good night.

139
00:05:52,528 --> 00:05:54,163
I'm taking these. So...

140
00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,665
Thanks a lot, asshole.

141
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,601
Hey, hey.

142
00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:04,872
Fucking shit!

143
00:06:04,874 --> 00:06:06,343
Fuck! Jesus Christ!

144
00:06:07,042 --> 00:06:08,777
Fuck! Goddammit!

145
00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:13,115
Fuck! Nina!

146
00:06:13,816 --> 00:06:15,117
God!

147
00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:30,300
Uh...

148
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:32,434
I'm gonna call you.

149
00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:34,536
Please don't.

150
00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:50,086
<i>I hear about these set-ups
people do for one another.</i>

151
00:06:54,723 --> 00:06:56,423
<i>It doesn't work for me.</i>

152
00:06:56,425 --> 00:06:58,393
<i>The last significant
relationship I had,</i>

153
00:06:58,395 --> 00:07:00,427
<i>if you can call it that,
was with this guy.</i>

154
00:07:00,429 --> 00:07:01,797
<i>If you can call him that.</i>

155
00:07:02,498 --> 00:07:03,599
<i>Joe.</i>

156
00:07:07,337 --> 00:07:09,705
<i>I got a call from a friend one morning.
She's been raped.</i>

157
00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:12,106
That's not the funny part.

158
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,740
That part was real.

159
00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:16,044
So I go with her
to the cops.

160
00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:19,047
And it's, you know,
not a warm room.

161
00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:21,015
Bunch of old, bloated
white guys being like,

162
00:07:21,017 --> 00:07:22,516
"Well, if you don't
remember nothing,

163
00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:24,321
how do you know
you was raped?"

164
00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:27,223
Woman's intuition.

165
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,558
'Cause my vagina's
blown to pieces.

166
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,627
I swear. If men were
raped as much as women,

167
00:07:33,629 --> 00:07:36,297
there'd be an automatic
death penalty for rapists.

168
00:07:36,299 --> 00:07:37,865
So we gotta go
to The Bronx.

169
00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:39,100
And in walks Joe.

170
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:40,734
Joe, the guy I mentioned.

171
00:07:40,736 --> 00:07:42,870
<i>He's a breath of
fresh air at this moment,</i>

172
00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:45,708
<i>and just the kind of asshole
I like to ride.</i>

173
00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:49,310
Will you go down
on me, Joe?

174
00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:50,610
- What?
- Will you go down on me?

175
00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:52,113
Yeah. Fuck, yeah.
Of course, I will.

176
00:07:52,115 --> 00:07:53,515
Yeah.

177
00:07:53,883 --> 00:07:55,950
Yeah.

178
00:07:55,952 --> 00:07:58,585
So he drives us to The Bronx,
and he's chatty in the car,

179
00:07:58,587 --> 00:08:00,989
and once he knows
I'm in the business

180
00:08:00,991 --> 00:08:02,056
he starts talking about films.

181
00:08:02,058 --> 00:08:03,458
He's been an extra
for Marty,

182
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,360
he's done comedy,
blah, blah, blah.

183
00:08:05,362 --> 00:08:06,930
As we get out
of the car,

184
00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:10,098
I kid you not,

185
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:13,436
just as I'm about to take my
friend in for her rape test,

186
00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:17,607
he hands us his headshot.

187
00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,577
What do I like
about him?

188
00:08:21,811 --> 00:08:23,244
Nothing.

189
00:08:23,246 --> 00:08:26,282
<i>No, I'm with him
because I'm a fuck up.</i>

190
00:08:27,183 --> 00:08:28,486
<i>He's a joke.</i>

191
00:08:29,252 --> 00:08:31,388
<i>A walking stereotype.
So am I.</i>

192
00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:34,290
What's going on?

193
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,034
At least he's hot.

194
00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:47,702
Fucks me right.

195
00:08:47,704 --> 00:08:49,103
So who cares?

196
00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:51,574
And yes, he hits me.
He's a cop. Duh.

197
00:08:55,278 --> 00:08:56,646
I don't mind it.

198
00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:01,519
It keeps me from falling
asleep during sex.

199
00:09:07,657 --> 00:09:09,023
Thank you.

200
00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:10,261
Good night.

201
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,252
I'll just be a minute.

202
00:09:57,007 --> 00:09:58,006
Can I help you?

203
00:10:02,812 --> 00:10:04,179
Hey, get back here!

204
00:10:04,181 --> 00:10:05,583
Kids, hold on a second.

205
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,683
At least man up to it,
you slut.

206
00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:09,619
Hey!

207
00:10:11,754 --> 00:10:12,822
Hello.

208
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:14,990
He do that to your face?

209
00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:16,327
'Cause I'm about to
punch you.

210
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:22,566
I just wanted
to make sure you knew.

211
00:10:24,301 --> 00:10:25,534
Just wanted to make sure
you knew.

212
00:10:25,536 --> 00:10:27,069
Of course, I fucking know.
He's my husband.

213
00:10:27,071 --> 00:10:28,636
You think I'm some
kind of idiot?

214
00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:31,106
He's my husband.
We got two kids.

215
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,475
Well, maybe you can keep
your fucking husband in line.

216
00:10:33,477 --> 00:10:35,210
Okay? 'Cause he keeps
showing up,

217
00:10:35,212 --> 00:10:36,677
and I can't stop fucking him.

218
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,046
So, please!

219
00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,148
Do something about it,

220
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,883
'cause I can't fucking
take it anymore.

221
00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:41,986
Then fucking leave.

222
00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:43,986
Maybe I will.

223
00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:45,454
Yeah, good. Go.

224
00:10:45,456 --> 00:10:47,424
Get the hell
off my property.

225
00:10:49,994 --> 00:10:51,293
<i>Hey, Nina. You still there?</i>

226
00:10:51,295 --> 00:10:52,861
Yeah, I'm still on hold.

227
00:10:52,863 --> 00:10:53,896
<i>Sorry, I don't have her right now.
Can we try you back?</i>

228
00:10:53,898 --> 00:10:55,697
No, I don't want her
to call me back.

229
00:10:55,699 --> 00:10:57,533
I want her to get on the phone
whenever she's done taking a shit

230
00:10:57,535 --> 00:10:58,601
or whatever it is
she's doing.

231
00:10:58,603 --> 00:11:00,102
- <i>You wanna stay on the line?</i>
- Yeah.

232
00:11:00,104 --> 00:11:01,906
- <i>Okay, please hold.</i>
- Thank you.

233
00:11:02,506 --> 00:11:03,939
Hey, ducky, ducky.

234
00:11:03,941 --> 00:11:05,009
Hey...

235
00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:08,177
You guys got agents, too?

236
00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:09,512
<i>Hey, Nina.
You're on. Carrie.</i>

237
00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:11,648
Hello? Carrie?
Hey.

238
00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:13,949
<i>Nina, please don't
be rude to my assistant.</i>

239
00:11:13,951 --> 00:11:15,150
I wasn't taking a shit.

240
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,554
I was on another call. That's what I do.
It happens.

241
00:11:17,556 --> 00:11:19,955
Yeah, yeah. I get it.
Listen, um...

242
00:11:19,957 --> 00:11:22,224
Can I still audition
for <i>Comedy Prime?</i>

243
00:11:22,226 --> 00:11:23,759
Oh, my God.

244
00:11:23,761 --> 00:11:24,927
I mean...

245
00:11:24,929 --> 00:11:26,094
I guess you can audition.

246
00:11:26,096 --> 00:11:28,431
But Larry is still gonna
have to see you do stand-up.

247
00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,098
That's what he does, okay?

248
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,134
<i>He hates New York though. He's
not gonna go there. He hates it.</i>

249
00:11:32,136 --> 00:11:33,638
Yeah. I'm, um...

250
00:11:34,472 --> 00:11:36,104
I'm moving out there.

251
00:11:36,106 --> 00:11:37,105
I'm sorry, what?

252
00:11:37,107 --> 00:11:38,641
I'm moving to LA.

253
00:11:38,643 --> 00:11:40,677
So can you book me
shows there or what?

254
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,211
<i>I guess.
But I don't know.</i>

255
00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:44,012
Are you gonna show up, or are
you just gonna fuck the doorman

256
00:11:44,014 --> 00:11:45,315
like you did last time?

257
00:11:45,317 --> 00:11:46,651
No, I mean, I'm...

258
00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:49,218
I'm serious this time.

259
00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:50,453
<i>It's not gonna be easy.</i>

260
00:11:50,455 --> 00:11:52,721
- <i>I know.</i>
- It's gonna be lots of hurdles.

261
00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:53,656
<i>Yeah.</i>

262
00:11:53,658 --> 00:11:56,259
You promise me
that you're gonna show up?

263
00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:57,529
I... I promise.

264
00:11:57,962 --> 00:11:59,362
Okay. Well...

265
00:11:59,364 --> 00:12:00,699
I will see what I can do.

266
00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:02,099
<i>Goodbye.</i>

267
00:12:09,674 --> 00:12:11,443
<i>Oh, my goodness. Honey.</i>

268
00:12:11,976 --> 00:12:13,376
I missed you so much.

269
00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:15,278
Oh, my gosh. Is that Nina?

270
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,413
- Oh, hey, Amy.
- Oh, Debora, look at that.

271
00:12:17,415 --> 00:12:18,914
Oh, my gosh.

272
00:12:18,916 --> 00:12:19,948
Hi!

273
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:21,651
I'm Amy. I'm your
mother's best friend.

274
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,253
I've lived right over here
for years.

275
00:12:23,255 --> 00:12:24,320
Yeah, I know you, Amy.

276
00:12:27,024 --> 00:12:29,259
She hasn't
moved there yet.

277
00:12:29,261 --> 00:12:31,361
Oh, everybody's so tan,
and they run.

278
00:12:31,363 --> 00:12:33,062
Amy, do you remember we
had a conversation

279
00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:35,064
- just about this?
- Yes, I do.

280
00:12:35,066 --> 00:12:36,266
Okay, good.

281
00:12:36,268 --> 00:12:37,866
Why don't I bring over some wine?
What do you prefer?

282
00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:41,671
Amy, bring the wine
over after Nina's gone.

283
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,774
You've got her for a little while.
Treasure her.

284
00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:46,242
Mom.

285
00:12:46,244 --> 00:12:48,046
Mom. Mom, I'm hungry.

286
00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:51,780
- Good, Mom.
- Oh, John.

287
00:12:51,782 --> 00:12:53,383
You looking for some food?

288
00:12:53,385 --> 00:12:54,783
You are so sweet.

289
00:12:54,785 --> 00:12:57,553
It's yummy, so there's no leftover.
I'm so sorry.

290
00:12:57,555 --> 00:12:59,289
I'm so sorry!

291
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:01,190
Hi. Mom, hi.

292
00:13:01,192 --> 00:13:03,528
I'm here.
I came to visit you.

293
00:13:05,063 --> 00:13:06,231
I'm so glad you're here.

294
00:13:16,308 --> 00:13:17,507
So what do you think, Mom?

295
00:13:17,509 --> 00:13:19,144
You're gonna come
visit me in LA?

296
00:13:21,714 --> 00:13:27,250
I think you are gonna have
a great life out there.

297
00:13:27,252 --> 00:13:29,722
It is gonna be
so fantastic.

298
00:13:30,622 --> 00:13:34,057
I put a little something
together for you,

299
00:13:34,059 --> 00:13:35,628
for your trip to LA.

300
00:13:47,072 --> 00:13:48,438
It's a list.

301
00:13:49,575 --> 00:13:51,307
Of plumbers.

302
00:13:51,309 --> 00:13:53,076
You know,
just in case you need one

303
00:13:53,078 --> 00:13:55,178
where you're staying
if there's no hot water.

304
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,412
It's always good to know.

305
00:13:56,414 --> 00:13:59,683
It's from Angie's list, so they're very...
They're reputable.

306
00:13:59,685 --> 00:14:01,184
So they're good.
They're reputable.

307
00:14:01,186 --> 00:14:03,119
Yeah, thank you.

308
00:14:03,121 --> 00:14:04,688
I know what I wanted to
talk to you about.

309
00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:06,690
I know you're not gonna
lie this, but,

310
00:14:06,692 --> 00:14:09,258
Amy's parents,
they live in LA.

311
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:10,694
You know,
they're from New Jersey.

312
00:14:10,696 --> 00:14:11,795
They're also Jewish.

313
00:14:11,797 --> 00:14:12,962
They will take care of you.

314
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:14,931
I'm staying at my agent's
friend's house.

315
00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:16,299
So I'm fine.

316
00:14:16,301 --> 00:14:17,701
Nina, this means
it's gonna happen.

317
00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:20,537
You are gonna be
on <i>Comedy Prime.</i>

318
00:14:20,539 --> 00:14:22,004
This is so exciting!

319
00:14:22,006 --> 00:14:24,842
They have got to hire you.
You are so fanta...

320
00:14:24,844 --> 00:14:27,411
Do you want me to call them for you?
'Cause I will.

321
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:29,045
Yeah, Mom.
Give 'em a call.

322
00:14:29,047 --> 00:14:29,912
Call 'em up.

323
00:14:29,914 --> 00:14:32,416
You should be on that show.

324
00:14:32,418 --> 00:14:35,184
<i>Blue skies, muted gold...</i>

325
00:14:44,397 --> 00:14:46,397
<i>0.6 miles.</i>

326
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:48,032
<i>Continue straight.</i>

327
00:14:48,467 --> 00:14:49,899
It's huge.

328
00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:51,368
<i>Turn left.</i>

329
00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:52,969
<i>Turn left.</i>

330
00:14:52,971 --> 00:14:54,173
<i>Right.</i>

331
00:14:56,142 --> 00:14:57,676
<i>Turn right.</i>

332
00:15:03,682 --> 00:15:06,216
<i>You have reached
your destination.</i>

333
00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:38,482
You must be Nina.

334
00:15:38,484 --> 00:15:40,350
<i>Carrie told me
you were coming.</i>

335
00:15:40,352 --> 00:15:43,420
I'm Lake.
My pronouns are she/her.

336
00:15:43,422 --> 00:15:47,059
Sorry. I'm Mexican, and we
don't do the hand thing.

337
00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:48,794
We kiss.

338
00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:50,396
Come here.

339
00:15:52,164 --> 00:15:53,664
Oh!

340
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:56,937
Come in. I'm gonna
show you the house.

341
00:15:58,103 --> 00:15:59,138
Come.

342
00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:09,613
This place is beautiful.

343
00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:11,281
Thank you.

344
00:16:11,283 --> 00:16:15,085
It's built around that tree
there and the rocks.

345
00:16:15,087 --> 00:16:17,891
As soon as I saw it,
I knew I had to live here.

346
00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:23,028
I used to live on the west side,
but it was too wavy.

347
00:16:23,797 --> 00:16:26,196
I need trees around me.

348
00:16:26,198 --> 00:16:27,665
Hills, roots.

349
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,234
I'm water based,
so I need the balance.

350
00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:34,039
I'm whiskey based,
so that's more my thing.

351
00:16:40,747 --> 00:16:43,783
I feel your energy tired.

352
00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:46,283
Well, I am tired.

353
00:16:46,285 --> 00:16:48,755
So it makes sense
that my energy would be.

354
00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:55,361
What are you doing?

355
00:16:56,262 --> 00:16:57,263
Reiki.

356
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:08,207
It's so good that you're here.

357
00:17:14,781 --> 00:17:17,080
Come, Nina.

358
00:17:17,082 --> 00:17:18,850
- This is gonna be your room.
- Oh, wow.

359
00:17:18,852 --> 00:17:21,452
- If you like it.
- It's fantastic.

360
00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:22,820
This is gonna be great.

361
00:17:22,822 --> 00:17:24,956
Our fears are gonna sink.

362
00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:26,824
It's gonna be really good.

363
00:17:26,826 --> 00:17:29,294
I love Carrie.
Don't you love her?

364
00:17:29,296 --> 00:17:31,462
Yeah. Well, I mean,
sometimes more than others.

365
00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:34,933
She read my first book
when it was just a manuscript.

366
00:17:34,935 --> 00:17:37,435
I mean, into
the cherry blossom cycle.

367
00:17:37,437 --> 00:17:38,970
- Oh, so you're a writer?
- Yeah.

368
00:17:38,972 --> 00:17:42,006
Yeah, yeah. My 12th book
is coming out next week.

369
00:17:42,008 --> 00:17:44,542
You're into...
Is it <i>Prime...</i>

370
00:17:44,544 --> 00:17:45,743
<i>Comedy Prime,</i> right?

371
00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:47,077
I'm just auditioning.

372
00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:49,249
I gotta come up with material
and stuff, so...

373
00:17:50,216 --> 00:17:51,384
That's so retro.

374
00:17:52,786 --> 00:17:54,285
Hey, I just wanna say
thank you

375
00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:55,787
for putting me up
and everything.

376
00:17:55,789 --> 00:17:57,455
It's really, really cool.
Thank you.

377
00:17:57,457 --> 00:17:58,623
Of course.
Not a problem.

378
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,959
But I do have to
ask you a favor.

379
00:18:00,961 --> 00:18:03,795
I'm organizing this
fundraiser thing tonight,

380
00:18:03,797 --> 00:18:05,496
and my girlfriend is
not in town.

381
00:18:05,498 --> 00:18:06,933
Can you help me
set it up?

382
00:18:08,134 --> 00:18:10,335
Oh, um, I...

383
00:18:10,337 --> 00:18:13,771
You know, I gotta shave.
I gotta wax and...

384
00:18:13,773 --> 00:18:15,141
I should probably.

385
00:18:15,575 --> 00:18:16,843
You wax?

386
00:18:18,111 --> 00:18:19,346
You don't?

387
00:18:20,347 --> 00:18:21,713
No.

388
00:18:21,715 --> 00:18:24,184
Come everyone. Sit down.

389
00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,020
Welcome, children.

390
00:18:28,022 --> 00:18:30,321
Thank you for
honoring yourself

391
00:18:30,323 --> 00:18:31,957
by coming here tonight.

392
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:36,063
My name is Geronimo,
but you can call me Smoky.

393
00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:37,898
What is this, now?

394
00:18:38,398 --> 00:18:39,797
The circle of truth.

395
00:18:39,799 --> 00:18:42,467
Thank you for donating
your time

396
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,103
and your material possessions

397
00:18:44,105 --> 00:18:46,506
to our Topanga Cat Sanctuary.

398
00:18:47,374 --> 00:18:48,706
Cat?

399
00:18:48,708 --> 00:18:49,877
Stay open.

400
00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:54,612
Now, I'd like to begin

401
00:18:54,614 --> 00:18:56,815
by going around the circle

402
00:18:56,817 --> 00:19:00,151
and stating one instance
in which

403
00:19:00,153 --> 00:19:02,489
you saw something
you shouldn't have seen.

404
00:19:03,858 --> 00:19:06,526
This one time,
I saw my girlfriend

405
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,961
shoot up heroin,

406
00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:10,530
and I didn't stop her.

407
00:19:11,666 --> 00:19:12,731
Thank you.

408
00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:14,733
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not doing this.

409
00:19:14,735 --> 00:19:16,602
No, no, no.

410
00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:18,570
Okay, look.
This isn't for everybody.

411
00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:21,372
All right? I don't need to sit
in a circle to own my truth.

412
00:19:21,374 --> 00:19:22,440
I own my truth already.

413
00:19:22,442 --> 00:19:25,445
It's right in here,
just giving me heartburn.

414
00:19:26,479 --> 00:19:28,179
That's beautiful, Nina.

415
00:19:28,181 --> 00:19:32,019
In my 20s, I got into a horrible
argument with my mother.

416
00:19:33,054 --> 00:19:35,054
I called her
a worthless bitch.

417
00:19:35,056 --> 00:19:37,723
She died the next day.

418
00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:39,558
And I've never
forgiven myself.

419
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,794
Thank you, Fred.

420
00:19:41,796 --> 00:19:45,064
Um, but the exercise was

421
00:19:45,066 --> 00:19:48,169
one thing you
shouldn't have seen.

422
00:19:49,537 --> 00:19:50,969
Oh.

423
00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:52,973
I saw my father
hit my mother.

424
00:19:56,944 --> 00:19:58,211
Thank you.

425
00:20:06,153 --> 00:20:07,321
No. No.

426
00:20:08,489 --> 00:20:10,424
No fucking way. Sorry.

427
00:20:11,292 --> 00:20:12,524
Nina...

428
00:20:12,526 --> 00:20:13,625
Yeah...

429
00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:16,395
Lake, some birds
weren't meant to be caged,

430
00:20:16,397 --> 00:20:20,099
but we should still thank them
for their presence.

431
00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:22,067
It just feels like
people get off on it.

432
00:20:22,069 --> 00:20:24,470
Sharing all this personal stuff
and then just

433
00:20:24,472 --> 00:20:25,704
moving on.

434
00:20:25,706 --> 00:20:27,608
I'd love to see your stand-up.

435
00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,244
Okay. Okay.

436
00:20:31,345 --> 00:20:32,212
I hear you.

437
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:34,448
I'm truthful on stage,
but I'm not...

438
00:20:37,485 --> 00:20:40,488
I saw my father hit my mother,
too, when I was a kid, Lake.

439
00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:44,226
- I'm sorry.
- Don't...

440
00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:46,692
See? No, don't do that.

441
00:20:46,694 --> 00:20:48,594
Don't feel sorry for me.

442
00:20:48,596 --> 00:20:50,130
- Okay?
- Okay, okay.

443
00:20:50,132 --> 00:20:52,466
You just sound like you
want to have control over...

444
00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:54,900
...everything.

445
00:20:54,902 --> 00:20:56,769
Yeah, that's what art is.

446
00:20:56,771 --> 00:20:58,437
You know, you create
something so that

447
00:20:58,439 --> 00:21:01,442
it has the effect that you
want it to have on others.

448
00:21:03,511 --> 00:21:04,545
Um...

449
00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,015
No.

450
00:21:08,449 --> 00:21:10,917
You can't control
every reaction.

451
00:21:10,919 --> 00:21:13,318
You don't know exactly
how people feel.

452
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,822
No, I know if people are
laughing, or if my joke bombed.

453
00:21:16,824 --> 00:21:18,490
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to bother you.

454
00:21:18,492 --> 00:21:20,661
It didn't bother me, okay?
It didn't.

455
00:21:23,330 --> 00:21:24,630
It made me sad.

456
00:21:24,632 --> 00:21:26,700
Oh, it affected you.

457
00:21:31,338 --> 00:21:32,138
What is it?

458
00:21:32,140 --> 00:21:34,774
Cordyceps, reishi and maca.

459
00:21:34,776 --> 00:21:36,410
Is it alive?

460
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:39,344
It's a super endocrine.

461
00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:40,280
Want some?

462
00:21:40,282 --> 00:21:42,614
You know you're still
gonna die, right?

463
00:21:42,616 --> 00:21:44,186
Try it.

464
00:21:47,555 --> 00:21:49,621
What, what, what? What?

465
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,460
It's a mouse.

466
00:21:56,031 --> 00:21:58,066
I have mouse-phobia.

467
00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:03,337
If I move,
will it kill me?

468
00:22:05,207 --> 00:22:06,172
No.

469
00:22:06,174 --> 00:22:07,640
It's just a tiny rodent.

470
00:22:07,642 --> 00:22:09,843
- Don't make fun of me.
- No, no, no. I'm not.

471
00:22:09,845 --> 00:22:12,245
I respect phobias. Okay?

472
00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,713
All right?
Here's what I'm gonna do.

473
00:22:13,715 --> 00:22:15,548
I'm gonna open the door,

474
00:22:15,550 --> 00:22:16,751
gonna let the mouse out.

475
00:22:17,752 --> 00:22:19,120
Come on.

476
00:22:25,026 --> 00:22:27,160
It's gone.

477
00:22:27,162 --> 00:22:28,795
I don't know what
the fuck you're saying,

478
00:22:28,797 --> 00:22:30,830
but I'm sensing
your energy...

479
00:22:32,067 --> 00:22:34,202
...tells me you may have
shit your pants.

480
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,440
Thank you so much for
letting me stay here, Nina.

481
00:22:39,841 --> 00:22:41,142
No problem.

482
00:22:44,045 --> 00:22:46,012
Dating, dating, dating,

483
00:22:46,014 --> 00:22:47,280
dating, dating...

484
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,982
Oh, my God.
It's so boring.

485
00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:50,650
It's such a boring thing
to talk about.

486
00:22:50,652 --> 00:22:53,753
Like, how many comics
have forged careers

487
00:22:53,755 --> 00:22:55,121
just talking about dating?

488
00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:56,756
I guess that's what's
expected of me,

489
00:22:56,758 --> 00:22:57,857
like, as a girl comic.

490
00:22:57,859 --> 00:22:59,626
You wanna hear about
all the embarrassing stories.

491
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,961
Like that time I had
spinach in my teeth,

492
00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:04,265
or my dress got stuck
in my underwear,

493
00:23:04,267 --> 00:23:05,865
my tampon fell out
mid-kiss,

494
00:23:05,867 --> 00:23:07,834
or he was the Zodiac Killer.

495
00:23:07,836 --> 00:23:10,839
And I had spinach in my teeth.
Like, how embarrassing.

496
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:13,608
Let's get it out of the way.
I don't date.

497
00:23:14,210 --> 00:23:15,441
I don't. I fuck.

498
00:23:16,878 --> 00:23:18,245
Because I don't get it.

499
00:23:18,247 --> 00:23:20,880
I mean, this whole idea that
you gotta go out to dinner,

500
00:23:20,882 --> 00:23:22,182
and let a guy stare
into your eyes

501
00:23:22,184 --> 00:23:23,683
and ask you what
your favorite color is.

502
00:23:23,685 --> 00:23:25,352
For what?

503
00:23:25,354 --> 00:23:29,455
If it works out, you're gonna have plenty
of miserable fucking years to find out.

504
00:23:29,457 --> 00:23:30,823
Right?

505
00:23:30,825 --> 00:23:32,926
Here's what really matters.

506
00:23:32,928 --> 00:23:36,429
What really matters is that
the guy lights you on fire.

507
00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:39,268
Like, look, when he
walks into a room,

508
00:23:40,236 --> 00:23:42,338
does he make your
labia throb,

509
00:23:43,039 --> 00:23:45,372
and your asshole tighten?

510
00:23:45,374 --> 00:23:47,374
You know,
do you feel it?

511
00:23:47,376 --> 00:23:50,413
Does he know
his way around?

512
00:23:51,613 --> 00:23:52,912
Is what I'm saying.

513
00:23:52,914 --> 00:23:54,547
'Cause that's what's
gonna matter.

514
00:23:54,549 --> 00:23:56,616
Eight years down the line, when
you've heard all his stupid jokes,

515
00:23:56,618 --> 00:23:57,884
what's gonna matter

516
00:23:57,886 --> 00:23:59,119
is if he can go down on you

517
00:23:59,121 --> 00:24:01,554
and make you come
before the kids wake up.

518
00:24:01,556 --> 00:24:03,790
It's never really worked for
me, the whole dating thing.

519
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:05,059
And I've tried.

520
00:24:05,061 --> 00:24:08,862
Like, when I was younger there was
the wine and paint instructor

521
00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:10,763
who finger banged me
to <i>Jackass,</i>

522
00:24:10,765 --> 00:24:12,335
while his roommate slept.

523
00:24:13,668 --> 00:24:16,303
Which was a really
romantic evening.

524
00:24:16,305 --> 00:24:17,704
But if he had trimmed
his nails,

525
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,240
you know, maybe it would
have lasted a little longer.

526
00:24:20,242 --> 00:24:22,475
And another guy, he saved
dolphins for a living

527
00:24:22,477 --> 00:24:25,179
and he was just like a...
a beautiful human being.

528
00:24:25,181 --> 00:24:28,648
But he gagged when
he smelled my pussy.

529
00:24:28,650 --> 00:24:29,515
Actually gagged.

530
00:24:29,517 --> 00:24:31,854
Like, you work with fish
all fucking day.

531
00:24:32,822 --> 00:24:34,656
Go fuck a dolphin,
I'm out.

532
00:24:37,126 --> 00:24:39,026
I went on a
date recently with this guy

533
00:24:39,028 --> 00:24:40,961
who right at
the top of the date

534
00:24:40,963 --> 00:24:42,595
he was like,
"Jenny, you should know

535
00:24:42,597 --> 00:24:45,132
I'm getting millions
of bitcoins right now."

536
00:24:45,134 --> 00:24:49,036
And it's like, you can just tell me
you're gonna try to choke me in bed.

537
00:24:49,038 --> 00:24:51,240
Be straightforward
so I can...

538
00:24:58,214 --> 00:24:59,913
Hey, can I get
a Jack and ginger?

539
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,949
Uh, yeah.
You're a comic, right?

540
00:25:01,951 --> 00:25:03,283
- Yeah.
- Yeah, cool.

541
00:25:03,285 --> 00:25:05,853
So, actually we don't give
free liquor to the comics.

542
00:25:05,855 --> 00:25:06,854
We just do beers.

543
00:25:06,856 --> 00:25:08,122
That's kind of shitty, right?

544
00:25:08,124 --> 00:25:10,224
I'm not actually a bartender.

545
00:25:10,226 --> 00:25:11,392
I'm an improv actor.

546
00:25:11,394 --> 00:25:12,993
So, did you miss
your improv set

547
00:25:12,995 --> 00:25:14,828
with Bob Saget
and Dave Coulier?

548
00:25:14,830 --> 00:25:15,996
Is that supposed to be funny?

549
00:25:15,998 --> 00:25:18,032
It's actually making me kind
of horny how funny you are.

550
00:25:18,034 --> 00:25:19,501
Fuck off, dude.

551
00:25:19,503 --> 00:25:21,268
All right. You can put your
claws away there, Wolverine.

552
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,037
I'm tired, I'm new here.

553
00:25:23,039 --> 00:25:24,406
Would you just
give me a fucking break

554
00:25:24,408 --> 00:25:26,240
and let me pay for
a fucking drink?

555
00:25:26,242 --> 00:25:27,808
It's just like
you're really aggressive.

556
00:25:27,810 --> 00:25:29,176
I'm a little acerbic.

557
00:25:29,178 --> 00:25:30,677
I'll get you a drink.
I'll get you a drink.

558
00:25:30,679 --> 00:25:31,779
Yes, sir.

559
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:32,713
What are you having?

560
00:25:32,715 --> 00:25:34,451
Oh, now that he comes up
you're gonna get...

561
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:36,319
What would you like?

562
00:25:37,387 --> 00:25:38,721
What do you want?

563
00:25:40,156 --> 00:25:42,790
Um, I'm trying to get
a Jack and ginger.

564
00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,958
Can we have
a Jack and ginger, please?

565
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,294
Absolutely.

566
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:47,895
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

567
00:25:47,897 --> 00:25:49,997
Yeah, of course,
it's a sexist thing, right?

568
00:25:49,999 --> 00:25:51,266
Yeah.

569
00:25:51,268 --> 00:25:53,000
- Enjoy.
- Thanks.

570
00:25:53,002 --> 00:25:54,469
Relax, man.

571
00:25:54,471 --> 00:25:55,636
Cheers.

572
00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:57,638
- Hi.
- Hi.

573
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,141
So, um, you're not working,
are you?

574
00:26:01,143 --> 00:26:02,976
You mean, like a cop?

575
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,678
I hope not, Jesus.

576
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,148
No, I mean like a comic.
You don't have that vibe.

577
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:08,849
Oh. What vibe is that?

578
00:26:08,851 --> 00:26:11,186
Mmm. Desperate?

579
00:26:11,188 --> 00:26:13,354
And usually pudgy.

580
00:26:13,356 --> 00:26:15,123
You're hot.

581
00:26:15,125 --> 00:26:16,957
Extremely rare for a comic.

582
00:26:16,959 --> 00:26:19,893
So what? You just hang out in clubs and
pick up comedians? Is that what you do?

583
00:26:19,895 --> 00:26:22,830
Actually this is the first time
I've ever been to a comedy club.

584
00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:24,232
It's cool.
Really cool.

585
00:26:24,234 --> 00:26:25,366
And you were...
You were great.

586
00:26:25,368 --> 00:26:26,667
No.

587
00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:28,802
I'm not gonna fuck you,
okay? I'm not.

588
00:26:28,804 --> 00:26:31,072
I'm sorry. I realize it's
a mixed message,

589
00:26:31,074 --> 00:26:33,009
'cause I was just complimenting
you, but, like...

590
00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:34,942
It's not what I do.

591
00:26:34,944 --> 00:26:37,312
I mean, guys come up to me
all the time after sets,

592
00:26:37,314 --> 00:26:39,780
'cause I'm frank
and I talk about sex.

593
00:26:39,782 --> 00:26:42,183
And it's easy to think
I'm into casual sex,

594
00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:44,419
or a freak in bed or whatever,
but I'm not.

595
00:26:44,421 --> 00:26:45,520
Not the casual sex part.

596
00:26:45,522 --> 00:26:47,855
Like, I can be freaky...

597
00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:49,723
- Yeah.
- Whatever. I'm just telling...

598
00:26:49,725 --> 00:26:52,759
- I'm putting it out there.
- You know, you sound like you do on stage.

599
00:26:52,761 --> 00:26:55,130
Either you're not being
honest up there,

600
00:26:55,132 --> 00:26:57,165
or you're not
being honest now.

601
00:26:57,167 --> 00:27:00,734
But you are freaky
sometimes.

602
00:27:00,736 --> 00:27:04,040
So what's the truth?
Like, what's the real you?

603
00:27:05,976 --> 00:27:07,043
I'm...

604
00:27:08,178 --> 00:27:09,613
I'm confused.

605
00:27:11,114 --> 00:27:13,583
Tell you what. We can
figure it out over dinner.

606
00:27:15,252 --> 00:27:16,551
Great.

607
00:27:16,553 --> 00:27:17,651
You still don't believe me.

608
00:27:17,653 --> 00:27:19,320
You don't be...
I'm telling you.

609
00:27:19,322 --> 00:27:21,956
I do. I'm asking you to
dinner, not fucking.

610
00:27:21,958 --> 00:27:23,625
So, what? You're telling me
you're one of those people

611
00:27:23,627 --> 00:27:25,860
that has to like somebody
before you sleep with them?

612
00:27:25,862 --> 00:27:26,828
Is that it?

613
00:27:26,830 --> 00:27:29,063
I mean, I have to like
something about someone.

614
00:27:29,065 --> 00:27:30,832
Something... like ass?

615
00:27:30,834 --> 00:27:32,233
I mean, ass is good.

616
00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:33,568
Nothing the matter
with the ass.

617
00:27:33,570 --> 00:27:36,104
But I mean, you have to have
more than that, you know.

618
00:27:36,106 --> 00:27:39,174
But I'm saying, let's just
take it one step at a time.

619
00:27:39,176 --> 00:27:41,309
Have a drink, talk.

620
00:27:41,311 --> 00:27:43,480
Hi, I'm Rafe.

621
00:27:46,816 --> 00:27:49,350
And I'll have some wine
brought over, on the house.

622
00:27:49,352 --> 00:27:50,921
- Appreciate that.
- Enjoy.

623
00:27:51,788 --> 00:27:53,288
Impressive.

624
00:27:53,290 --> 00:27:54,856
Not what you expected?

625
00:27:54,858 --> 00:27:57,325
Well, I admit, most guys who
come up to me after a show

626
00:27:57,327 --> 00:28:00,261
just offer to buy me
a slice, so...

627
00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:02,567
Ah, now, you deserve
better than that.

628
00:28:04,401 --> 00:28:05,568
Okay, who are you?

629
00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:07,769
Am I supposed to know?
Are you some sort of...

630
00:28:07,771 --> 00:28:10,338
Are you like a motivational
speaker or something?

631
00:28:10,340 --> 00:28:12,006
I'm a contractor.

632
00:28:12,008 --> 00:28:13,611
I'm no longer married.

633
00:28:14,445 --> 00:28:16,614
I was, but she
broke my heart.

634
00:28:17,314 --> 00:28:18,549
But I'm over it.

635
00:28:20,518 --> 00:28:22,917
- What's your last name?
- Hines.

636
00:28:22,919 --> 00:28:25,722
What? Yeah, you wanna make
sure I don't have a record.

637
00:28:26,189 --> 00:28:28,122
Yeah. Yeah.

638
00:28:28,124 --> 00:28:29,358
But I do that with every guy.

639
00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:30,927
- It's not...
- Oh, hundreds of us?

640
00:28:31,194 --> 00:28:32,461
God.

641
00:28:32,463 --> 00:28:34,632
Well, this is
going well already.

642
00:28:36,567 --> 00:28:39,169
- You nervous?
- A little bit, yeah.

643
00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:41,171
Why?

644
00:28:43,974 --> 00:28:47,443
The last time I liked a guy,
I turned out to be really wrong.

645
00:28:47,445 --> 00:28:49,180
Well, how long ago
was that?

646
00:28:50,780 --> 00:28:51,948
Three weeks.

647
00:28:52,882 --> 00:28:53,982
Oh.

648
00:28:53,984 --> 00:28:56,420
I get it. I'm not special.

649
00:28:57,255 --> 00:28:58,554
It's okay. I can handle it.

650
00:28:58,556 --> 00:29:00,322
I knew
I wasn't that special

651
00:29:00,324 --> 00:29:02,426
the day my dad
walked out on me.

652
00:29:03,294 --> 00:29:04,959
Is that a joke, or...

653
00:29:04,961 --> 00:29:07,463
No, I'm just reassuring you
that I already know

654
00:29:07,465 --> 00:29:08,863
that I'm not special.

655
00:29:08,865 --> 00:29:11,133
What is... Have I entered
another dimension?

656
00:29:11,135 --> 00:29:12,334
Is this how guys in LA are?

657
00:29:12,336 --> 00:29:15,072
No, I'm just trying to be honest.
We're being honest.

658
00:29:15,905 --> 00:29:17,673
I don't think you're
really over her.

659
00:29:17,675 --> 00:29:19,441
You're too quick to
say you're over her.

660
00:29:19,443 --> 00:29:20,711
No, I am.

661
00:29:29,253 --> 00:29:30,352
Ah!

662
00:29:30,354 --> 00:29:31,453
You at home now, huh?

663
00:29:31,455 --> 00:29:33,055
I'm feeling
a little bit better.

664
00:29:33,057 --> 00:29:34,223
Yeah, yeah, I see.

665
00:29:34,225 --> 00:29:35,491
I think we need
some water.

666
00:29:35,493 --> 00:29:37,259
What, am I acting
drunk already?

667
00:29:37,261 --> 00:29:39,328
No, you're holding
your liquor well.

668
00:29:39,330 --> 00:29:40,797
We need some water.

669
00:29:41,999 --> 00:29:42,967
Okay.

670
00:29:43,701 --> 00:29:45,036
I'm gonna get that table.

671
00:29:45,436 --> 00:29:47,102
You do that.

672
00:29:47,104 --> 00:29:49,838
Get that. Yes, get that.

673
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,507
Get that.

674
00:29:51,509 --> 00:29:53,044
Can we have some
water, please?

675
00:29:56,847 --> 00:29:58,947
Can you start a tab for me?

676
00:29:58,949 --> 00:30:00,051
Thanks.

677
00:30:13,597 --> 00:30:15,066
Thanks. Hmm.

678
00:30:16,567 --> 00:30:19,236
Girls I know don't have
the balls to talk like you.

679
00:30:20,404 --> 00:30:22,106
Let alone on stage.

680
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,741
I like that.

681
00:30:24,743 --> 00:30:28,611
I mean, it's scary, but
you're not familiar to me.

682
00:30:28,613 --> 00:30:30,412
I can't tell if
that's good or bad.

683
00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:31,683
It's good.

684
00:30:32,883 --> 00:30:34,483
What were the other
girls like?

685
00:30:34,485 --> 00:30:37,252
Ah, they were clingers.

686
00:30:37,254 --> 00:30:38,320
Tight, yeah.

687
00:30:38,322 --> 00:30:39,321
- Tight?
- Tight.

688
00:30:39,323 --> 00:30:40,557
Oh, that's good.

689
00:30:40,559 --> 00:30:44,360
I mean, in certain instances,
yeah, it's good.

690
00:30:44,362 --> 00:30:47,396
You know, you have sex with them
and they move in the next day.

691
00:30:47,398 --> 00:30:49,064
Is that good or bad?

692
00:30:49,066 --> 00:30:50,199
Bad.

693
00:30:50,201 --> 00:30:51,536
- Bad?
- Yeah.

694
00:30:52,236 --> 00:30:53,503
We don't like that.

695
00:30:53,505 --> 00:30:56,608
No. Moving in
the next day?

696
00:30:57,274 --> 00:30:58,541
That's bad.

697
00:30:58,543 --> 00:31:00,844
So, is this it for you?

698
00:31:00,846 --> 00:31:05,314
Like stand-up,
single...

699
00:31:05,316 --> 00:31:09,118
Do you wanna get married or
have children, or any of that?

700
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:10,320
Um...

701
00:31:10,322 --> 00:31:13,456
I mean, stand-up is
tough to sustain, you know.

702
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:17,594
But a big part of me wants to
be 80 and still going on stage.

703
00:31:17,596 --> 00:31:19,662
No pants on, just like,

704
00:31:19,664 --> 00:31:21,598
"How is everybody
doing tonight?"

705
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,199
Dentures fall out,
I don't even care.

706
00:31:24,201 --> 00:31:25,735
- I love that.
- Yeah?

707
00:31:25,737 --> 00:31:27,504
But, yeah.
No, I want kids.

708
00:31:27,506 --> 00:31:29,708
I want my own show.
I want...

709
00:31:30,709 --> 00:31:33,410
...a husband who goes
down on me regularly.

710
00:31:33,412 --> 00:31:34,912
I guess that's too much...

711
00:31:40,752 --> 00:31:42,287
What's up?

712
00:31:45,457 --> 00:31:46,991
Yo, what...

713
00:31:48,427 --> 00:31:50,095
- What's up, Ganja?
- Hi.

714
00:31:50,928 --> 00:31:52,362
How you... How you doing?

715
00:31:52,364 --> 00:31:54,531
It's a long time.

716
00:31:54,533 --> 00:31:56,266
I was, um... We...

717
00:31:56,268 --> 00:31:57,369
Dope.

718
00:31:58,136 --> 00:32:00,069
Hi. I'm Ganja.

719
00:32:00,071 --> 00:32:01,072
Hi. Nina.

720
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,374
Hi.

721
00:32:03,842 --> 00:32:05,675
It was...
It was good seeing you.

722
00:32:05,677 --> 00:32:07,277
No, no, no.
Wait a minute.

723
00:32:07,279 --> 00:32:08,611
As far as I'm concerned,

724
00:32:08,613 --> 00:32:10,213
there's still something
going on between us.

725
00:32:10,215 --> 00:32:11,514
You know what?
I'm gonna let you two talk.

726
00:32:11,516 --> 00:32:13,316
No, no. You should hear this.

727
00:32:13,318 --> 00:32:14,250
Woman to woman.

728
00:32:14,252 --> 00:32:17,253
Well, you know what?
I guess was thinking...

729
00:32:17,255 --> 00:32:18,555
I was thinking that...

730
00:32:18,557 --> 00:32:22,025
I don't actually think there's
anything going on between us.

731
00:32:22,027 --> 00:32:23,793
Oh, really?

732
00:32:23,795 --> 00:32:25,662
Was there something
going on between us

733
00:32:25,664 --> 00:32:28,400
when I was riding you
for 48 hours?

734
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:29,966
Was there?

735
00:32:29,968 --> 00:32:31,668
Yeah, that's what I thought.

736
00:32:31,670 --> 00:32:32,903
I called you.

737
00:32:32,905 --> 00:32:34,637
I called you and I called you.

738
00:32:34,639 --> 00:32:36,306
I was worried.

739
00:32:36,308 --> 00:32:38,174
I thought he was dead.

740
00:32:38,176 --> 00:32:40,643
Is it me?
You said you liked my thighs.

741
00:32:40,645 --> 00:32:42,145
Did you hate my thighs?

742
00:32:42,147 --> 00:32:43,881
It was all in my head.

743
00:32:43,883 --> 00:32:47,650
But, no. Now I know
you're a fucking ghoster.

744
00:32:47,652 --> 00:32:50,923
Look, let me say this.
You're right.

745
00:32:51,556 --> 00:32:52,890
I'm sorry.

746
00:32:52,892 --> 00:32:57,460
I turned down a date with
Joaquin Phoenix for you.

747
00:32:57,462 --> 00:32:58,796
I should have called you.

748
00:32:58,798 --> 00:33:00,630
I apologize.
It's my fault.

749
00:33:00,632 --> 00:33:01,832
Whatever, dude.

750
00:33:01,834 --> 00:33:04,670
You're old.
You should know better.

751
00:33:05,270 --> 00:33:06,837
And now you know.

752
00:33:06,839 --> 00:33:09,675
When it's over,
he'll ghost you.

753
00:33:11,409 --> 00:33:13,779
- Listen, I...
- Such finality.

754
00:33:14,981 --> 00:33:16,816
You know who's not
a ghoster?

755
00:33:17,817 --> 00:33:19,284
Joaquin Phoenix.

756
00:33:20,452 --> 00:33:22,252
He's a good actor.

757
00:33:22,254 --> 00:33:23,890
- Wow.
- Hi.

758
00:33:24,590 --> 00:33:25,758
Joaquin?

759
00:33:26,324 --> 00:33:27,725
Yes. Ganja.

760
00:33:27,727 --> 00:33:28,792
You know, it's, um...

761
00:33:28,794 --> 00:33:30,159
It's not every day
you get to witness

762
00:33:30,161 --> 00:33:33,229
the beginning and the end
of a relationship in one night.

763
00:33:33,231 --> 00:33:36,099
Come on. Look, she wanted
to have a baby with me

764
00:33:36,101 --> 00:33:37,735
- on the second date.
- Mmm.

765
00:33:37,737 --> 00:33:39,570
Like make the child
that night.

766
00:33:39,572 --> 00:33:42,873
Was that before or after
you were all up in her thighs?

767
00:33:42,875 --> 00:33:44,975
- Well...
- Come on, man.

768
00:33:44,977 --> 00:33:46,977
This is the first night,
and I get this shit?

769
00:33:46,979 --> 00:33:49,413
Like, how many Ganjas
are there?

770
00:33:49,415 --> 00:33:51,017
Or did you ghost
your wife, too?

771
00:33:53,051 --> 00:33:54,117
Oh, shit.

772
00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,021
Shit!

773
00:33:55,488 --> 00:33:58,288
Nina. Look, Nina.

774
00:33:58,290 --> 00:34:01,961
Seriously. I know this is the type of
thing they warn you about on <i>Jezebel.</i>

775
00:34:02,628 --> 00:34:04,193
But I promise,

776
00:34:04,195 --> 00:34:06,966
I won't do this to you.
I promise.

777
00:34:08,501 --> 00:34:09,769
And if you do?

778
00:34:36,495 --> 00:34:41,465
<i>I go to work and I can
hear people talking about me.</i>

779
00:34:41,467 --> 00:34:44,268
<i>Talking about the smell.</i>

780
00:34:44,270 --> 00:34:46,537
<i>In the beginning they would
wonder where it came from,</i>

781
00:34:46,539 --> 00:34:49,640
<i>and couldn't possibly imagine
that it was a human smell.</i>

782
00:34:52,545 --> 00:34:54,880
<i>But it was me.
It was my smell.</i>

783
00:34:58,684 --> 00:34:59,683
Hello?

784
00:34:59,685 --> 00:35:01,318
Hey, Nina. It's Carrie.
Good news.

785
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,354
You got the audition
for <i>Comedy Prime.</i>

786
00:35:03,356 --> 00:35:04,588
Really?

787
00:35:04,590 --> 00:35:05,823
I get to audition?

788
00:35:05,825 --> 00:35:07,092
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

789
00:35:07,094 --> 00:35:08,659
Yeah, you do.
But, listen.

790
00:35:08,661 --> 00:35:10,095
Don't be mad.

791
00:35:10,097 --> 00:35:11,428
<i>What?</i>

792
00:35:11,430 --> 00:35:13,297
They're changing things up
over at <i>Comedy Prime,</i>

793
00:35:13,299 --> 00:35:14,933
so it's not just you
that's auditioning.

794
00:35:14,935 --> 00:35:16,667
What do you mean?

795
00:35:16,669 --> 00:35:19,503
<i>There's gonna be a lot of other
comedians who are auditioning, too.</i>

796
00:35:19,505 --> 00:35:20,771
What, like a bake-off?

797
00:35:20,773 --> 00:35:23,440
Mmm-hmm. Exactly.
Like a female bake-off.

798
00:35:23,442 --> 00:35:25,242
Oh, like a fake-off.

799
00:35:25,244 --> 00:35:26,744
They know it's
a sausage fest over there,

800
00:35:26,746 --> 00:35:30,481
so they're gonna give one lucky
lady their own one hour special.

801
00:35:30,483 --> 00:35:33,417
That's great. I love being
judged on my gender.

802
00:35:33,419 --> 00:35:35,086
<i>Do we really wanna do that?
I mean...</i>

803
00:35:35,088 --> 00:35:36,721
Are they pitting us
against each other?

804
00:35:36,723 --> 00:35:37,822
That's not cool, right?

805
00:35:37,824 --> 00:35:39,924
Yeah, it's really gross.
And I don't care.

806
00:35:39,926 --> 00:35:41,026
Isn't this what
you've always wanted?

807
00:35:41,028 --> 00:35:42,660
I mean, I can give it
to someone else.

808
00:35:42,662 --> 00:35:44,662
<i>Three impersonations.
Got it?</i>

809
00:35:44,664 --> 00:35:46,330
You know,
I gotta go.

810
00:35:46,332 --> 00:35:47,901
<i>I'll talk to you later.
Goodbye.</i>

811
00:36:01,347 --> 00:36:03,048
Okay.

812
00:36:03,050 --> 00:36:04,783
This is Cher
talking to you right now,

813
00:36:04,785 --> 00:36:06,551
and I want you to know
that I believe in you.

814
00:36:06,553 --> 00:36:07,919
Is Cher southern?

815
00:36:07,921 --> 00:36:09,654
Am I turning Cher southern?

816
00:36:09,656 --> 00:36:11,823
I believe in you, Nina.
Oh, shit.

817
00:36:11,825 --> 00:36:15,128
Brendan Fraser at the Oscars
a few years ago.

818
00:36:16,830 --> 00:36:19,263
<i>♪ Eddie Vedder
From Pearl Jam ♪</i>

819
00:36:19,265 --> 00:36:22,033
<i>♪ Eddie Vedder
Sings like this ♪</i>

820
00:36:22,035 --> 00:36:25,003
<i>♪ Or Scott Stapp
From Creed ♪</i>

821
00:36:25,005 --> 00:36:26,471
<i>♪ Sings like this</i>

822
00:36:26,473 --> 00:36:29,409
<i>♪ It's the same voice
Basically ♪</i>

823
00:36:31,377 --> 00:36:32,913
Nina... Nina!

824
00:36:33,780 --> 00:36:36,315
You got a great ass!

825
00:36:36,683 --> 00:36:37,617
Sia.

826
00:36:38,452 --> 00:36:39,617
Hello?

827
00:36:39,619 --> 00:36:41,920
<i>♪ I'm so happy all the time
I'm Shakira ♪</i>

828
00:36:41,922 --> 00:36:43,521
<i>♪ Shakira</i>

829
00:36:43,523 --> 00:36:47,060
Nina...
Nina, this is Celine Dion.

830
00:36:48,028 --> 00:36:50,028
I love you very much., Nina.

831
00:36:50,030 --> 00:36:52,797
<i>♪ I love you</i>

832
00:36:52,799 --> 00:36:56,167
<i>♪ I love you</i>

833
00:36:56,169 --> 00:36:58,269
<i>♪ Nina, I love you</i>

834
00:36:58,271 --> 00:37:03,110
<i>♪ I'm Celine Dion
And I love you ♪</i>

835
00:37:06,980 --> 00:37:08,446
I'm Celine Dion.

836
00:37:08,448 --> 00:37:09,516
You can do it.

837
00:37:15,355 --> 00:37:16,423
Hey, what's up?

838
00:37:17,424 --> 00:37:19,891
Hey, I'm starting to feel
like I'm getting into

839
00:37:19,893 --> 00:37:21,659
stalker territory,

840
00:37:21,661 --> 00:37:23,597
and I don't like that, so...

841
00:37:24,464 --> 00:37:27,166
I just didn't want you
to think that...

842
00:37:27,168 --> 00:37:30,502
that I ghosted my wife,
'cause I didn't.

843
00:37:30,504 --> 00:37:34,307
She actually, uh, left me
for one of my friends.

844
00:37:35,143 --> 00:37:36,841
Then I ghosted her.

845
00:37:36,843 --> 00:37:39,011
I mean, what else
could I do then?

846
00:37:39,013 --> 00:37:41,579
<i>Anyway, I know this is
a lot of information.</i>

847
00:37:41,581 --> 00:37:42,714
<i>I would love to see you.</i>

848
00:37:42,716 --> 00:37:44,582
<i>I want you to come by
if you would like to,</i>

849
00:37:44,584 --> 00:37:47,320
<i>and we can hang out
and I'll make you dinner.</i>

850
00:37:48,421 --> 00:37:51,125
<i>Hope things are well.
Talk soon.</i>

851
00:37:51,625 --> 00:37:52,626
<i>Bye bye.</i>

852
00:38:02,036 --> 00:38:04,569
- Hey.
- Can I help you?

853
00:38:04,571 --> 00:38:06,805
Oh, very funny.

854
00:38:06,807 --> 00:38:08,174
I was just kidding.
Just kidding.

855
00:38:08,176 --> 00:38:10,375
I brought this, 'cause I know
you like red wine, so...

856
00:38:10,377 --> 00:38:13,214
That's really nice of you.
Come on in.

857
00:38:14,282 --> 00:38:15,080
Welcome.

858
00:38:15,082 --> 00:38:16,514
So this is a nice house.

859
00:38:16,516 --> 00:38:18,117
It's not really what
I was expecting

860
00:38:18,119 --> 00:38:19,885
when you said you were
a contractor.

861
00:38:19,887 --> 00:38:22,687
I've been here for, like,
over 15 years.

862
00:38:22,689 --> 00:38:24,056
You were in the Marines?

863
00:38:24,058 --> 00:38:25,690
Semper Fi, baby.

864
00:38:25,692 --> 00:38:27,893
Don't worry.
I'm anti-war now.

865
00:38:27,895 --> 00:38:29,297
Oh, God. That's a relief.

866
00:38:32,066 --> 00:38:35,167
So, sobriety chip
and a full bar. Wow.

867
00:38:35,169 --> 00:38:37,837
I see I'm on
the hot seat already.

868
00:38:37,839 --> 00:38:40,572
Oh, yeah. You've been on the hot
seat ever since I found out

869
00:38:40,574 --> 00:38:45,110
you dated a Euro trash model half
your age whose name is weed.

870
00:38:45,112 --> 00:38:46,745
But you're still here.

871
00:38:46,747 --> 00:38:49,116
God, I must be more
fucked up than I realized.

872
00:38:49,416 --> 00:38:50,383
Cheers.

873
00:38:53,020 --> 00:38:54,587
So, this is what you do,
I guess, huh?

874
00:38:54,589 --> 00:38:58,226
You just charm women
into your beautiful lair.

875
00:39:00,695 --> 00:39:01,727
- Uh...
- Oh, yeah.

876
00:39:01,729 --> 00:39:03,562
Yeah, no. I can still
smell her pussy juice.

877
00:39:03,564 --> 00:39:05,264
Oh, my... Okay.

878
00:39:05,266 --> 00:39:06,799
Oh, come on.
Let's do it.

879
00:39:06,801 --> 00:39:09,602
Look, you know what? Have a seat.
Let's get at it, 'cause...

880
00:39:09,604 --> 00:39:10,669
What, already?

881
00:39:10,671 --> 00:39:13,608
Yeah. Well, I mean,
clearly it's bothering you.

882
00:39:14,976 --> 00:39:18,844
I mean, you said
we're not gonna fuck.

883
00:39:18,846 --> 00:39:22,181
So let's just get drunk,
talk it out,

884
00:39:22,183 --> 00:39:23,684
and have a good time.

885
00:39:24,585 --> 00:39:27,219
Wow. What a guy.
Okay.

886
00:39:27,221 --> 00:39:29,690
Okay, Ganja. You're always
talking about Ganja.

887
00:39:31,092 --> 00:39:32,491
First of all,
she's not a model.

888
00:39:32,493 --> 00:39:33,893
Oh, well,
that changes everything.

889
00:39:33,895 --> 00:39:35,561
She does have
amazing thighs.

890
00:39:35,563 --> 00:39:37,029
What the fuck?

891
00:39:37,031 --> 00:39:39,431
Not even those amazing thighs are
worth her blabbering fucking mouth.

892
00:39:39,433 --> 00:39:40,866
Do you like my thighs,

893
00:39:40,868 --> 00:39:42,134
or do you hate my thighs?

894
00:39:42,136 --> 00:39:44,304
I know I might
sound sexist.

895
00:39:44,306 --> 00:39:46,972
I'm not saying I want
my women pretty and quiet.

896
00:39:46,974 --> 00:39:47,973
You're here.

897
00:39:47,975 --> 00:39:49,708
- Wow.
- So...

898
00:39:49,710 --> 00:39:51,543
That didn't sound right.
Okay.

899
00:39:51,545 --> 00:39:52,713
You are amazing.

900
00:39:53,447 --> 00:39:55,215
You know it.

901
00:39:55,217 --> 00:39:57,386
But I'm just telling you
the truth about Ganja.

902
00:39:58,353 --> 00:40:00,552
I'm a 40-year-old man.

903
00:40:00,554 --> 00:40:03,123
I shouldn't be
with 20-year-olds.

904
00:40:03,125 --> 00:40:04,659
I know that.

905
00:40:05,726 --> 00:40:06,694
Now.

906
00:40:08,196 --> 00:40:09,730
What? What are you thinking?

907
00:40:11,099 --> 00:40:13,868
A big part of me
just wants to leave.

908
00:40:14,769 --> 00:40:16,369
Okay?

909
00:40:16,371 --> 00:40:18,271
But I also kind of
can't stop staring.

910
00:40:18,273 --> 00:40:19,505
Like a car crash.

911
00:40:19,507 --> 00:40:21,642
Yeah. Yeah, like a car crash.

912
00:40:23,278 --> 00:40:25,412
- Is it Ganja?
- No.

913
00:40:25,414 --> 00:40:27,314
I mean, this is great
and all, but,

914
00:40:27,316 --> 00:40:29,318
didn't you say you were
gonna make me dinner?

915
00:40:30,018 --> 00:40:31,184
Did I say make you dinner?

916
00:40:31,186 --> 00:40:33,188
- Yeah.
- Because I meant order.

917
00:40:33,854 --> 00:40:35,523
Yeah, I was impressed.

918
00:40:36,590 --> 00:40:37,991
Mmm... not so much.

919
00:40:37,993 --> 00:40:39,725
But I actually do cook.

920
00:40:39,727 --> 00:40:41,194
- Really?
- Yeah.

921
00:40:41,196 --> 00:40:43,163
I make flautas.

922
00:40:43,165 --> 00:40:45,031
Even more
insulting then, God.

923
00:40:45,033 --> 00:40:46,565
I mean, I would have
made flautas,

924
00:40:46,567 --> 00:40:48,068
but it would have
been too much.

925
00:40:48,070 --> 00:40:49,501
Really?

926
00:40:49,503 --> 00:40:51,603
Come on, I can't just make
you flautas the first time.

927
00:40:51,605 --> 00:40:54,107
Like, it's too much.
No woman can handle it.

928
00:40:54,109 --> 00:40:55,208
Not even you.

929
00:40:55,210 --> 00:40:57,279
Did you make flautas
for Ganja?

930
00:41:00,782 --> 00:41:01,716
Ugh!

931
00:41:02,284 --> 00:41:03,718
Unbelievable!

932
00:41:04,152 --> 00:41:05,684
I'm leaving.

933
00:41:05,686 --> 00:41:08,455
You keep being honest. What the
fuck is the matter with you?

934
00:41:08,457 --> 00:41:11,057
I think it's because I know
we're not gonna fuck tonight.

935
00:41:11,059 --> 00:41:12,461
It's liberating.

936
00:41:13,395 --> 00:41:15,095
Yeah, it is.
It is liberating.

937
00:41:15,097 --> 00:41:17,199
Yeah. Let's eat.

938
00:41:19,500 --> 00:41:20,501
Okay.

939
00:41:28,210 --> 00:41:29,510
What about you?

940
00:41:30,746 --> 00:41:32,914
Any Ganja equivalence
in your life?

941
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,862
Hey, where'd you go?

942
00:41:49,865 --> 00:41:50,932
I, um...

943
00:41:56,171 --> 00:41:58,740
I don't usually date,
so I've never really...

944
00:42:00,976 --> 00:42:02,512
Never really
done this before.

945
00:42:04,546 --> 00:42:06,346
Never?

946
00:42:06,348 --> 00:42:09,951
I usually just fuck the
wrong guy and move on.

947
00:42:10,919 --> 00:42:11,920
How old are you?

948
00:42:13,356 --> 00:42:14,689
How old are you?

949
00:42:15,323 --> 00:42:16,792
I told you, I'm 40.

950
00:42:18,327 --> 00:42:20,228
Two. I'm 42.

951
00:42:21,029 --> 00:42:22,331
Okay. Well, I'm 30.

952
00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:25,801
Three. I'm 33.

953
00:42:26,668 --> 00:42:28,536
Jesus.

954
00:42:28,538 --> 00:42:30,506
And you never been
with anyone?

955
00:42:34,810 --> 00:42:37,010
How many... How many women
have you been with?

956
00:42:37,012 --> 00:42:38,546
No, no.
Let me guess.

957
00:42:38,548 --> 00:42:40,450
You probably lived
with a bunch of them.

958
00:42:40,782 --> 00:42:41,917
Three.

959
00:42:42,485 --> 00:42:44,050
Not at the same time.

960
00:42:44,052 --> 00:42:45,321
How was that?

961
00:42:45,654 --> 00:42:46,721
Great.

962
00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:49,624
Till it wasn't.

963
00:42:53,196 --> 00:42:55,697
Intimacy issues.
I get it.

964
00:42:56,932 --> 00:42:58,301
Daddy stuff?

965
00:43:02,438 --> 00:43:04,040
Yeah.

966
00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:09,778
Yeah, I told you
about mine.

967
00:43:11,214 --> 00:43:12,948
My dad left.

968
00:43:15,384 --> 00:43:16,986
Yeah, you said that.
Yeah.

969
00:43:19,388 --> 00:43:22,592
Mine, um...
Mine committed suicide.

970
00:43:25,027 --> 00:43:26,028
Damn.

971
00:43:29,165 --> 00:43:31,367
Suicide trumps abandonment.

972
00:43:32,435 --> 00:43:34,971
- Does it?
- Yeah, definitely.

973
00:43:39,375 --> 00:43:41,511
I don't know.
It's just, um...

974
00:43:42,711 --> 00:43:45,882
It's the relationship part
that I can't do.

975
00:43:48,818 --> 00:43:51,118
Makes me nervous.
I don't know what to do.

976
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,520
So I just don't do it.

977
00:43:52,522 --> 00:43:54,824
Ah, you don't have to
do anything.

978
00:43:56,359 --> 00:43:58,327
Don't do nothing.

979
00:44:00,463 --> 00:44:02,932
Ah. I invited you in,

980
00:44:03,833 --> 00:44:06,000
and I said, "Welcome.

981
00:44:06,002 --> 00:44:07,201
Welcome, Nina."

982
00:44:07,203 --> 00:44:08,402
You did say that.

983
00:44:08,404 --> 00:44:10,204
Not that long ago.

984
00:44:10,206 --> 00:44:12,206
Why are you reminiscing?

985
00:44:12,208 --> 00:44:15,044
No, I know.
But that's a great time.

986
00:44:16,579 --> 00:44:17,614
Right?

987
00:44:18,347 --> 00:44:20,516
Any other things
you wanna share?

988
00:44:20,983 --> 00:44:22,617
Time's almost up.

989
00:44:22,619 --> 00:44:23,951
Is it?

990
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:24,952
Wait, is that you?

991
00:44:24,954 --> 00:44:26,921
That wasn't even
supposed to be there.

992
00:44:26,923 --> 00:44:29,123
Oh. Oh, oh.

993
00:44:57,119 --> 00:44:58,620
Actually, I'm done entertaining.

994
00:44:58,622 --> 00:45:00,422
I'm done embarrassing myself.

995
00:45:00,424 --> 00:45:01,623
No, don't stop.
Come on. No.

996
00:45:01,625 --> 00:45:03,358
Come on.
I'm loving the band...

997
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:04,959
I love it.
You're so old.

998
00:45:04,961 --> 00:45:07,395
At least I don't
smell old.

999
00:45:07,397 --> 00:45:11,433
It's true.
You smell young and fresh.

1000
00:45:11,435 --> 00:45:12,866
So what...
What happened?

1001
00:45:12,868 --> 00:45:14,835
What happened with that? The band?
I mean, that was amazing.

1002
00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:16,770
Ah, the usual.

1003
00:45:16,772 --> 00:45:20,342
We fought, and our drummer
died of a drug overdose.

1004
00:45:20,344 --> 00:45:22,109
And then, the 90s ended.

1005
00:45:22,111 --> 00:45:23,513
- Right.
- It was over.

1006
00:45:24,548 --> 00:45:25,948
- I want it back.
- I know.

1007
00:45:27,718 --> 00:45:29,453
Watch how quick I am.

1008
00:45:30,220 --> 00:45:31,555
Well, I'm quicker.

1009
00:45:32,189 --> 00:45:33,622
I fear a little fear in...

1010
00:45:33,624 --> 00:45:35,592
- Mmm. No.
- Yeah.

1011
00:45:37,461 --> 00:45:40,462
Ah!

1012
00:45:40,464 --> 00:45:42,930
I think we're doing a great
job with not having sex.

1013
00:45:42,932 --> 00:45:45,267
Yeah, I think we are.

1014
00:45:45,269 --> 00:45:47,202
Is this when you
would usually...

1015
00:45:47,204 --> 00:45:48,403
put the moves on?

1016
00:45:48,405 --> 00:45:49,704
- Moves?
- Mm-hmm.

1017
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:52,107
What am I, a slow loris?

1018
00:45:52,109 --> 00:45:53,807
It's been hours, Nina.

1019
00:45:53,809 --> 00:45:56,046
I guess you don't
really know how it goes.

1020
00:45:59,116 --> 00:46:01,583
We could have done it
like five times by now.

1021
00:46:01,585 --> 00:46:03,851
- Five times? Wow.
- Wow.

1022
00:46:03,853 --> 00:46:04,986
Hold on.

1023
00:46:04,988 --> 00:46:06,755
I thought you were
the one that said

1024
00:46:06,757 --> 00:46:09,493
you fuck guys like
you write home about.

1025
00:46:10,727 --> 00:46:13,295
So, this can't be it,

1026
00:46:13,297 --> 00:46:14,763
playing slapsies
at 3:00 A.M.

1027
00:46:14,765 --> 00:46:16,598
That can't be your moves.

1028
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,266
'Cause it seems like
this is your move.

1029
00:46:18,268 --> 00:46:19,634
Is this your move?

1030
00:46:19,636 --> 00:46:21,636
- Slapsies.
- Yeah, slapsies.

1031
00:46:21,638 --> 00:46:23,206
Freaking at 3:00 A.M.

1032
00:46:24,941 --> 00:46:26,241
That turns you on?

1033
00:46:26,243 --> 00:46:27,744
Slapsies, huh?

1034
00:46:31,014 --> 00:46:32,347
No, no. Hold on.

1035
00:46:32,349 --> 00:46:33,684
No, hold on.

1036
00:46:35,285 --> 00:46:36,685
We can't do this.

1037
00:46:36,687 --> 00:46:40,121
If we do this, I'll be just
another guy that you fucked

1038
00:46:40,123 --> 00:46:41,690
and move on from.

1039
00:46:41,692 --> 00:46:43,726
And that's not what
I want.

1040
00:46:43,728 --> 00:46:45,797
I like you too much
for that.

1041
00:46:46,697 --> 00:46:48,632
No one's ever
turned me down before.

1042
00:46:58,275 --> 00:46:59,276
Let's go to your bedroom.

1043
00:47:14,458 --> 00:47:17,194
Hey, don't fuck with me.

1044
00:47:18,830 --> 00:47:20,097
I won't.

1045
00:47:21,198 --> 00:47:22,265
Don't.

1046
00:47:23,100 --> 00:47:24,234
Let me take care of you.

1047
00:47:26,537 --> 00:47:27,971
Let me be your man.

1048
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,939
Rise and shine, sleepy head.

1049
00:48:37,941 --> 00:48:40,776
I'm sorry to wake you,
but I have to go to work.

1050
00:48:40,778 --> 00:48:43,379
And I don't want you to
think this is a hit and run.

1051
00:48:43,381 --> 00:48:45,581
What...
What time is it?

1052
00:48:45,583 --> 00:48:47,049
6:00.

1053
00:48:47,051 --> 00:48:48,952
I have a meeting with
a client in Venice.

1054
00:48:49,754 --> 00:48:51,120
Where'd you sleep?

1055
00:48:51,122 --> 00:48:52,990
Right here in the bed
with you.

1056
00:48:54,525 --> 00:48:56,227
- That's sweet.
- You snore.

1057
00:48:57,061 --> 00:48:58,494
- I do?
- Yeah.

1058
00:48:58,496 --> 00:48:59,695
Loud.

1059
00:48:59,697 --> 00:49:01,664
Sounded like a dying buffalo.

1060
00:49:01,666 --> 00:49:04,300
That's a beautiful sound.
Yeah.

1061
00:49:04,302 --> 00:49:07,305
Well, I guess it's nice
for you, you were asleep.

1062
00:49:10,408 --> 00:49:13,375
- You okay?
- Yeah.

1063
00:49:13,377 --> 00:49:15,012
Yeah, I'm just hungover.

1064
00:49:17,348 --> 00:49:20,017
All right. Well, I'll get
in touch with you later.

1065
00:49:21,285 --> 00:49:22,919
Sandy, right?

1066
00:49:22,921 --> 00:49:25,688
Wait, what's your
name again?

1067
00:49:25,690 --> 00:49:27,656
I'm just playing.

1068
00:49:27,658 --> 00:49:30,025
- I get it.
- Okay, okay.

1069
00:49:30,027 --> 00:49:31,460
Well, here.
I brought you a shirt.

1070
00:49:31,462 --> 00:49:32,831
You can stay
as long as you want.

1071
00:49:34,165 --> 00:49:35,399
- Thanks.
- Yeah.

1072
00:49:41,372 --> 00:49:43,140
There's snacks upstairs, too.

1073
00:49:45,844 --> 00:49:47,378
I have some cereal here.

1074
00:49:48,045 --> 00:49:49,781
And some fruit.

1075
00:49:50,314 --> 00:49:51,750
All healthy shit.

1076
00:50:23,982 --> 00:50:25,082
Breathe.

1077
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,287
<i>You've reached the
office of Dr. Joan Streisand.</i>

1078
00:50:31,289 --> 00:50:33,823
<i>Please leave your message
and I will get back to you</i>

1079
00:50:33,825 --> 00:50:35,825
- <i>as soon as I can.</i>
- That's...

1080
00:50:35,827 --> 00:50:37,226
Dr. Streisand,
pick up the phone.

1081
00:50:37,228 --> 00:50:38,728
Pick up the fucking phone,
please.

1082
00:50:38,730 --> 00:50:40,363
Please pick up
the fucking...

1083
00:50:40,365 --> 00:50:41,298
Please.

1084
00:50:41,300 --> 00:50:43,433
Will you call me back?

1085
00:50:43,435 --> 00:50:44,634
Call me back, okay?

1086
00:50:44,636 --> 00:50:46,203
Okay, please call me.

1087
00:50:50,207 --> 00:50:51,142
Okay.

1088
00:50:52,578 --> 00:50:54,413
Okay, okay.

1089
00:51:00,385 --> 00:51:01,818
Oh, no...

1090
00:51:04,022 --> 00:51:05,322
I thought you
turned it off?

1091
00:51:05,324 --> 00:51:06,556
I thought you did.

1092
00:51:06,558 --> 00:51:09,259
It doesn't work unless we do
it for 15 minutes straight.

1093
00:51:09,261 --> 00:51:11,093
- <i>I met somebody.</i>
- Okay.

1094
00:51:11,095 --> 00:51:13,229
Who is he,
and what happened?

1095
00:51:13,231 --> 00:51:15,398
I never had sex
like this before.

1096
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:16,835
I never. It was so...

1097
00:51:18,203 --> 00:51:19,204
...intimate.

1098
00:51:19,838 --> 00:51:22,872
He's funny and sexy, and...

1099
00:51:22,874 --> 00:51:25,110
It's just the right
amount of screwed up.

1100
00:51:26,745 --> 00:51:29,048
Oh, he fucks like a God.
Oh...

1101
00:51:29,915 --> 00:51:31,114
Please.

1102
00:51:31,116 --> 00:51:33,084
If I wasn't having
a panic attack right now,

1103
00:51:33,086 --> 00:51:34,920
my pussy would
still be throbbing.

1104
00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:38,688
<i>That all sounds
very nice.</i>

1105
00:51:38,690 --> 00:51:41,291
<i>I mean, not every guy out
there knows how to do that.</i>

1106
00:51:41,293 --> 00:51:42,592
Yeah.

1107
00:51:42,594 --> 00:51:45,395
Yeah, I think I might be
really starting to like him.

1108
00:51:45,397 --> 00:51:46,363
<i>That's great.</i>

1109
00:51:46,365 --> 00:51:48,065
What if I fuck it up?

1110
00:51:48,067 --> 00:51:49,801
Why will you do that?

1111
00:51:51,503 --> 00:51:53,973
I'm trying really hard to
be honest with him.

1112
00:51:55,273 --> 00:51:57,173
So it's scary.

1113
00:51:57,175 --> 00:52:00,044
Honey, that's what
relationships are all about.

1114
00:52:00,046 --> 00:52:01,012
Right?

1115
00:52:01,014 --> 00:52:03,246
It's good that
you feel that way.

1116
00:52:03,248 --> 00:52:06,083
That means that
you care about him.

1117
00:52:06,085 --> 00:52:08,153
<i>You know what, Nina?
Why don't you come home?</i>

1118
00:52:09,421 --> 00:52:10,923
I'm gonna cook Mexican.

1119
00:52:19,531 --> 00:52:21,566
Shit. So goofy.

1120
00:52:25,170 --> 00:52:27,272
Thank you for dinner, guys.
That was so good.

1121
00:52:27,674 --> 00:52:29,406
Stuffed.

1122
00:52:30,877 --> 00:52:33,245
Paula!

1123
00:52:35,547 --> 00:52:37,948
How many times

1124
00:52:37,950 --> 00:52:41,018
do I need to tell you
not to leave the sponge

1125
00:52:41,020 --> 00:52:42,419
in the bottom of the sink?

1126
00:52:42,421 --> 00:52:43,654
Yeah, I know.

1127
00:52:43,656 --> 00:52:44,755
No, no.

1128
00:52:44,757 --> 00:52:46,557
No "yeah, yeah" me, huh.

1129
00:52:46,559 --> 00:52:48,561
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

1130
00:52:52,732 --> 00:52:54,266
- Let's do this.
- Okay.

1131
00:52:57,003 --> 00:52:59,235
I've asked you

1132
00:52:59,237 --> 00:53:02,238
to leave the sponge
outside the sink

1133
00:53:02,240 --> 00:53:05,076
so I don't need to move
all the dishes on top of it

1134
00:53:05,078 --> 00:53:06,711
only to get to it.

1135
00:53:06,713 --> 00:53:08,746
And when you ignore
a request of mine,

1136
00:53:08,748 --> 00:53:09,882
I feel...

1137
00:53:10,917 --> 00:53:12,248
...diminished.

1138
00:53:12,250 --> 00:53:13,818
And rage.

1139
00:53:13,820 --> 00:53:15,922
This right here is rage.

1140
00:53:17,690 --> 00:53:19,390
I hear you.

1141
00:53:19,392 --> 00:53:23,196
And I can understand why
you would feel that way.

1142
00:53:24,097 --> 00:53:26,229
But I want you to understand

1143
00:53:26,231 --> 00:53:29,734
that when I leave the sponge
at the bottom of the sink,

1144
00:53:29,736 --> 00:53:31,035
and put plates
on top of it,

1145
00:53:31,037 --> 00:53:34,004
I'm not doing it on purpose
just to piss you off.

1146
00:53:34,006 --> 00:53:35,639
It's just what I do.

1147
00:53:35,641 --> 00:53:38,077
I understand that.

1148
00:53:39,912 --> 00:53:42,113
But that's exactly
what pisses me off.

1149
00:53:42,115 --> 00:53:44,448
That you're not thinking
about me when you do that.

1150
00:53:44,450 --> 00:53:48,387
Okay. Um, what if we got
one of those sponge holders?

1151
00:53:49,856 --> 00:53:52,157
That way, maybe
if I could see it,

1152
00:53:52,159 --> 00:53:54,226
it would help remind me

1153
00:53:54,228 --> 00:53:57,029
to not put it
inside of the sink.

1154
00:53:59,065 --> 00:54:02,266
That's actually a great idea.

1155
00:54:02,268 --> 00:54:04,835
I mean, it's better than
having the sponge all around.

1156
00:54:04,837 --> 00:54:06,270
I feel that way also,

1157
00:54:06,272 --> 00:54:07,905
and I'm glad that we agree.

1158
00:54:07,907 --> 00:54:09,907
Now, would you like
me to get it?

1159
00:54:09,909 --> 00:54:11,475
Well, if you don't mind.

1160
00:54:11,477 --> 00:54:12,979
I don't mind.

1161
00:54:13,713 --> 00:54:15,314
- Okay.
- Okay.

1162
00:54:16,916 --> 00:54:18,649
Thanks for listening.

1163
00:54:18,651 --> 00:54:19,585
You're welcome.

1164
00:54:21,621 --> 00:54:22,753
I love you, Pau.

1165
00:54:22,755 --> 00:54:23,723
I love you.

1166
00:54:29,963 --> 00:54:31,829
Yeah, we want our men
to be sensitive.

1167
00:54:31,831 --> 00:54:33,697
To hold us when we cry.

1168
00:54:33,699 --> 00:54:37,701
To tell us we look beautiful even
when we're waxing our mustache.

1169
00:54:37,703 --> 00:54:40,604
Help us hide the body
of the dude we just shot.

1170
00:54:41,808 --> 00:54:43,674
No, fuck him. he wouldn't
turn the Packers game off.

1171
00:54:43,676 --> 00:54:45,344
Right, ladies? Ha!

1172
00:54:46,213 --> 00:54:48,746
No, we want our men to cry.

1173
00:54:48,748 --> 00:54:50,614
You know,
to have feelings.

1174
00:54:50,616 --> 00:54:53,617
And then be able to
express those feelings.

1175
00:54:53,619 --> 00:54:56,420
Most of them even
get to the first step.

1176
00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:58,990
It's like,
"Talk to me, boo.

1177
00:54:58,992 --> 00:55:01,226
Tell me what you're feeling."

1178
00:55:01,228 --> 00:55:02,828
And then, if somebody comes
at us with a machete,

1179
00:55:02,830 --> 00:55:05,730
we want our emotionally intelligent
man to just like fucking...

1180
00:55:05,732 --> 00:55:07,567
Fuck! Don't you fucking move!

1181
00:55:09,203 --> 00:55:11,770
And then just be like,
"I read your horoscope, babe."

1182
00:55:11,772 --> 00:55:13,271
I see you.

1183
00:55:13,273 --> 00:55:16,473
I'm your ally.
Mercury is in retrogade.

1184
00:55:16,475 --> 00:55:19,811
It's our fucking time to get out
fucking fantasies out there.

1185
00:55:19,813 --> 00:55:21,213
Right, ladies?
Who's with me?

1186
00:55:21,215 --> 00:55:22,747
Who's with me?

1187
00:55:22,749 --> 00:55:24,249
Are we asking for
too much?

1188
00:55:24,251 --> 00:55:25,617
We're not asking
for too much.

1189
00:55:25,619 --> 00:55:29,855
No. I want my men
strong and sensitive.

1190
00:55:29,857 --> 00:55:31,258
Supportive.

1191
00:55:32,159 --> 00:55:33,660
Machine washable.

1192
00:55:34,761 --> 00:55:36,395
Steel enforced dick.

1193
00:55:37,764 --> 00:55:39,199
Rechargeable.

1194
00:55:39,867 --> 00:55:41,268
Refundable.

1195
00:55:41,802 --> 00:55:43,101
And quiet.

1196
00:55:43,103 --> 00:55:45,539
When I'm with my friends
talking shit about him.

1197
00:55:57,050 --> 00:55:59,517
- Hey, Nina.
- Oh, Pam. Hey.

1198
00:55:59,519 --> 00:56:01,052
Hey, you should come
to my club.

1199
00:56:01,054 --> 00:56:03,021
- Oh, God. Yeah. Um...
- Awesome.

1200
00:56:03,023 --> 00:56:04,990
I'd love to. Yeah.
What are you doing here?

1201
00:56:04,992 --> 00:56:07,158
I am plucking the hairs
on my chiny-chin-chin.

1202
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,195
- Nice.
- They're blonde, but I know they're there.

1203
00:56:10,197 --> 00:56:12,030
So no one can see them.

1204
00:56:12,032 --> 00:56:14,367
I'm here filling in
for a friend.

1205
00:56:14,369 --> 00:56:16,034
But do me a favor
and don't tell anyone.

1206
00:56:16,036 --> 00:56:17,002
Okay.

1207
00:56:17,004 --> 00:56:19,070
But you will come by.

1208
00:56:19,072 --> 00:56:20,205
I will. I would love to.

1209
00:56:20,207 --> 00:56:21,806
I mean, I'm gonna be
here a while. So...

1210
00:56:21,808 --> 00:56:23,942
I know. <i>Comedy Prime.</i>

1211
00:56:23,944 --> 00:56:25,076
How do you know
about that?

1212
00:56:25,078 --> 00:56:27,012
It was on Chugfeed.

1213
00:56:27,014 --> 00:56:28,546
What?

1214
00:56:28,548 --> 00:56:31,451
It was like the top female comedians
that they're considering.

1215
00:56:32,152 --> 00:56:34,586
And you are a female.

1216
00:56:34,588 --> 00:56:35,587
I am, too.

1217
00:56:35,589 --> 00:56:38,657
You know, isn't it great
like how all of a sudden

1218
00:56:38,659 --> 00:56:40,259
- they know that we're funny?
- I know.

1219
00:56:40,261 --> 00:56:42,228
The new species.
We've been discovered.

1220
00:56:42,230 --> 00:56:44,731
Yeah. Like, my mom
was hilarious.

1221
00:56:45,565 --> 00:56:46,731
And she's dead now.

1222
00:56:46,733 --> 00:56:48,301
She's...

1223
00:56:48,303 --> 00:56:49,868
- Oh, I don't know about that.
- Well...

1224
00:56:49,870 --> 00:56:53,471
But did you know that I
tested for Comedy Prime?

1225
00:56:53,473 --> 00:56:54,606
I didn't...
I didn't know.

1226
00:56:54,608 --> 00:56:56,875
- I was really good.
- I'm sure you were.

1227
00:56:56,877 --> 00:56:58,277
It was decades ago, though.

1228
00:56:58,279 --> 00:56:59,878
- No...
- Yes.

1229
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:01,980
No, seriously.
It was decades ago.

1230
00:57:01,982 --> 00:57:04,116
All those references
are worthless now.

1231
00:57:04,118 --> 00:57:05,418
Where's the beef?

1232
00:57:05,420 --> 00:57:08,689
I did a whole thing
about "where's the..."

1233
00:57:09,756 --> 00:57:11,589
So, I don't know.

1234
00:57:11,591 --> 00:57:13,025
I was...

1235
00:57:13,027 --> 00:57:14,561
I was good. I was great.
I was good.

1236
00:57:15,762 --> 00:57:18,630
There's all these women
that came before us.

1237
00:57:18,632 --> 00:57:20,500
And it's your turn now.

1238
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:27,306
Yo!
You're Nina, right?

1239
00:57:27,308 --> 00:57:29,008
- Yeah.
- I'm Dustin.

1240
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:30,109
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

1241
00:57:30,111 --> 00:57:31,243
You're hilarious.
I just saw your set.

1242
00:57:31,245 --> 00:57:32,677
- Thanks.
- Speaking of...

1243
00:57:32,679 --> 00:57:34,514
I think I'm kind of
your perfect guy.

1244
00:57:35,116 --> 00:57:36,748
Why do you say that?

1245
00:57:36,750 --> 00:57:39,018
- Well, see that?
- Mm-hmm.

1246
00:57:39,020 --> 00:57:40,786
- Bar fight.
- Oh.

1247
00:57:40,788 --> 00:57:42,288
- Strong.
- Ouch.

1248
00:57:42,290 --> 00:57:43,856
- See that?
- Yeah.

1249
00:57:43,858 --> 00:57:45,291
Rescued a duck
in Echo Park.

1250
00:57:45,293 --> 00:57:46,425
Oh, that is so sweet.

1251
00:57:46,427 --> 00:57:47,762
- Sensitive, right?
- Yeah.

1252
00:57:48,029 --> 00:57:49,197
Hmm.

1253
00:58:02,443 --> 00:58:04,645
- Okay. Um...
- What's wrong?

1254
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:09,350
Sorry. I don't... I don't
think it's you. I, uh...

1255
00:58:11,285 --> 00:58:12,787
I think it's just
somebody else.

1256
00:58:15,056 --> 00:58:16,257
You wanna talk about it?

1257
00:58:17,692 --> 00:58:19,227
That's very sweet.

1258
00:58:20,094 --> 00:58:21,227
But, no.

1259
00:58:21,229 --> 00:58:23,598
- I'm a good listener.
- I'm sure you are.

1260
00:58:24,866 --> 00:58:25,867
Thank you.

1261
00:58:26,868 --> 00:58:27,902
You sure?

1262
00:58:38,179 --> 00:58:39,580
Hey.

1263
00:58:40,848 --> 00:58:43,082
Why didn't you call me?

1264
00:58:43,084 --> 00:58:44,719
I wanted to see
if you would call me.

1265
00:58:45,787 --> 00:58:47,620
- Playing games?
- No.

1266
00:58:47,622 --> 00:58:49,657
I just wanted to see
if you were into me.

1267
00:58:51,359 --> 00:58:52,794
And if I hadn't called?

1268
00:58:54,028 --> 00:58:55,431
I would have
called you.

1269
00:58:56,365 --> 00:58:57,865
I was gonna call you.

1270
00:59:02,203 --> 00:59:03,338
Come here.

1271
00:59:09,744 --> 00:59:11,411
It's weird.

1272
00:59:11,413 --> 00:59:14,516
You fuck so good, but you don't
have that sex addict vibe.

1273
00:59:16,651 --> 00:59:21,656
Thanks. I mean, it sounds good.
I hope it's good.

1274
00:59:24,226 --> 00:59:25,292
What are you doing?

1275
00:59:25,294 --> 00:59:26,994
I'm writing down an idea.

1276
00:59:28,062 --> 00:59:29,829
Let me hear it.

1277
00:59:29,831 --> 00:59:33,533
Just like there should be an app that
tells you all your new guys' issues.

1278
00:59:33,535 --> 00:59:35,202
- You know?
- Oh, great.

1279
00:59:35,204 --> 00:59:38,438
Like, this one's a mama's boy,
or this asshole never tips,

1280
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:41,343
or this guy's into
toe fucking, or whatever.

1281
00:59:42,277 --> 00:59:44,344
Who told you about
the toe fucking?

1282
00:59:44,346 --> 00:59:45,911
Uh, your ex.

1283
00:59:45,913 --> 00:59:47,746
Oh, come on.
Let it go.

1284
00:59:47,748 --> 00:59:50,250
So what's the deal there? You
haven't seen her since you split?

1285
00:59:50,252 --> 00:59:51,617
You're jealous already?

1286
00:59:51,619 --> 00:59:54,956
Well, I have fucked you
twice now, so, yeah.

1287
00:59:56,325 --> 00:59:58,427
I want to ask you about that.

1288
00:59:59,261 --> 01:00:01,629
So you never saw anybody
more than once?

1289
01:00:02,797 --> 01:00:03,798
Nope.

1290
01:00:06,201 --> 01:00:07,503
No one?

1291
01:00:14,276 --> 01:00:15,577
So how was work?

1292
01:00:17,079 --> 01:00:18,947
Driving me fucking crazy.

1293
01:00:20,015 --> 01:00:21,214
It's just all the waiting.

1294
01:00:21,216 --> 01:00:23,617
Like, all I do now is just wait
for Larry Michaels to call,

1295
01:00:23,619 --> 01:00:26,386
or do stand-up,
or now fuck you.

1296
01:00:26,388 --> 01:00:28,155
Who the fuck is Larry?

1297
01:00:28,157 --> 01:00:30,323
Oh, he runs <i>Comedy Prime.</i>

1298
01:00:30,325 --> 01:00:32,727
I'm sorry. I like
the fucking you part.

1299
01:00:33,762 --> 01:00:34,897
I bet you do.

1300
01:00:41,403 --> 01:00:43,772
Read this.

1301
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,074
Give me a kiss.

1302
01:00:51,513 --> 01:00:53,650
This is...
This dude is dumb.

1303
01:00:54,183 --> 01:00:55,484
Really.

1304
01:00:56,318 --> 01:01:00,253
Actually, you're not
that smart.

1305
01:01:00,255 --> 01:01:01,622
But, I mean,
what is he talking about,

1306
01:01:01,624 --> 01:01:03,089
he wouldn't take you home
to mama?

1307
01:01:03,091 --> 01:01:04,357
I would take you
home to mama.

1308
01:01:04,359 --> 01:01:06,495
Everybody would want to
take you home to mama.

1309
01:01:07,062 --> 01:01:08,864
This guy, he's a goofy.

1310
01:01:10,966 --> 01:01:12,100
It's my agent.

1311
01:01:12,602 --> 01:01:13,702
Hello?

1312
01:01:14,736 --> 01:01:16,269
Really?

1313
01:01:16,271 --> 01:01:18,774
Oh, fucking finally!
Where?

1314
01:01:20,342 --> 01:01:22,008
Okay, thank you.

1315
01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:22,876
- Shit!
- What?

1316
01:01:22,878 --> 01:01:24,311
I have to go.
I gotta get my stuff.

1317
01:01:25,747 --> 01:01:28,281
Look, look, look. Hey, Nina,
you have time. It's okay.

1318
01:01:28,283 --> 01:01:30,050
- Relax. Breathe.
- Okay.

1319
01:01:30,052 --> 01:01:32,052
Just a quick
announcement before I go.

1320
01:01:32,054 --> 01:01:34,689
If you sat on any
of the stools in this pub,

1321
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:37,257
you do now have HPV.
I hope that's cool.

1322
01:01:37,259 --> 01:01:38,892
My name is Jamie Lactus.
Have a good night.

1323
01:01:44,900 --> 01:01:47,468
Hey, what's up, guys?
Thank you for showing up.

1324
01:01:47,470 --> 01:01:48,502
You guys all look beautiful...

1325
01:01:48,504 --> 01:01:50,304
Where is he, Larry?

1326
01:01:50,306 --> 01:01:51,339
I imagine
he's out there.

1327
01:01:51,341 --> 01:01:53,006
Yeah, like fucking herpes.

1328
01:01:53,008 --> 01:01:54,675
I gotta take a shit.

1329
01:01:54,677 --> 01:01:57,010
What's that smell?
Oh, Maria!

1330
01:01:57,012 --> 01:01:58,379
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, God.

1331
01:01:58,381 --> 01:01:59,716
You guys, uh,

1332
01:02:00,882 --> 01:02:01,982
seem nervous.

1333
01:02:01,984 --> 01:02:03,517
Oh, you look real cool.

1334
01:02:03,519 --> 01:02:04,918
- Yeah, I'm cool.
- Are you?

1335
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,019
Actually, yes.

1336
01:02:06,021 --> 01:02:07,921
All right. Real defensive.

1337
01:02:07,923 --> 01:02:10,123
I wonder if we can tell the audience
that we're doing characters.

1338
01:02:10,125 --> 01:02:12,693
Otherwise they're gonna be
like super fucking confused.

1339
01:02:12,695 --> 01:02:13,862
I know.

1340
01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:17,734
Yolanda Oliver!

1341
01:02:18,934 --> 01:02:20,468
What? No!

1342
01:02:20,470 --> 01:02:22,035
I'm supposed to be
like fourth.

1343
01:02:22,037 --> 01:02:23,137
You go.

1344
01:02:23,139 --> 01:02:24,372
Yolanda, just go.

1345
01:02:24,374 --> 01:02:25,439
Don't fuck it up.

1346
01:02:25,441 --> 01:02:27,007
Go, go.

1347
01:02:27,009 --> 01:02:28,342
I'm gonna fuck it up.

1348
01:02:28,344 --> 01:02:29,843
I'm gonna fuck it up.

1349
01:02:29,845 --> 01:02:31,579
Unbelievable.
I'm gonna fuck it up now.

1350
01:02:34,450 --> 01:02:38,187
This is Chelsea Handler
talking to a baby.

1351
01:02:40,223 --> 01:02:42,490
Oh, my God.
You're so cute.

1352
01:02:42,492 --> 01:02:44,425
I'd kiss you, but,
I'm afraid you have chlamydia

1353
01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:45,760
since you came out
of a vagina.

1354
01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:47,261
What?

1355
01:02:47,263 --> 01:02:49,330
This is Bjork

1356
01:02:49,332 --> 01:02:51,399
trapped in an armoire.

1357
01:02:51,401 --> 01:02:53,134
Oh, fuck.

1358
01:02:53,136 --> 01:02:58,339
<i>♪ I've been stuck
inside Of here for so long ♪</i>

1359
01:02:58,341 --> 01:03:01,342
<i>♪ And I feel so good</i>

1360
01:03:01,344 --> 01:03:05,012
Ha ha ha ha.
Yes, it's me, Emma Stone.

1361
01:03:05,014 --> 01:03:07,248
I know what you're thinking.
"She's black."

1362
01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:08,282
Yes.

1363
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:10,851
I'm black now.

1364
01:03:10,853 --> 01:03:13,790
I really want that Best Picture Oscar.

1365
01:03:14,590 --> 01:03:17,158
This next one is
Jabba the Slut.

1366
01:03:22,999 --> 01:03:24,067
Give me your dick.

1367
01:03:26,469 --> 01:03:27,704
Hey, ladies.

1368
01:03:28,772 --> 01:03:32,039
You ever, um, find yourself
at your guy's house

1369
01:03:32,041 --> 01:03:35,142
and you're like,
"Ah, I gotta take a shit."

1370
01:03:35,144 --> 01:03:36,846
But you try to hide it?

1371
01:03:37,947 --> 01:03:39,580
Hey, fellas.

1372
01:03:39,582 --> 01:03:41,916
You ever find yourself
at your lady's house

1373
01:03:41,918 --> 01:03:44,220
and you're like,
"Oh, I gotta take a shit."

1374
01:03:45,756 --> 01:03:47,523
And so you're like...

1375
01:03:49,392 --> 01:03:51,793
And you just take
a damn shit.

1376
01:03:51,795 --> 01:03:53,394
Why is she doing stand-up?

1377
01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:55,262
She's supposed to
do characters.

1378
01:03:55,264 --> 01:03:56,667
She has to take
a shit.

1379
01:04:03,574 --> 01:04:04,775
Oh, fuck.

1380
01:04:10,980 --> 01:04:12,281
Oh, no.

1381
01:04:13,216 --> 01:04:14,685
I'm not getting on stage next.

1382
01:04:18,555 --> 01:04:20,388
Hello.

1383
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,691
Hello. I am Nina.

1384
01:04:22,693 --> 01:04:25,294
And this is Bijork
ordering a smoothie.

1385
01:04:27,029 --> 01:04:31,466
I would like the
memory of my first Christmas,

1386
01:04:31,468 --> 01:04:34,772
and also the underbelly
of a fairy,

1387
01:04:35,572 --> 01:04:38,774
with the sweat of
a newborn deer.

1388
01:04:38,776 --> 01:04:43,911
And on top, millions and
millions of urban electrons.

1389
01:04:43,913 --> 01:04:47,284
Okay. Um, I'll take
Kristen Stewart's order.

1390
01:04:47,584 --> 01:04:49,253
Um...

1391
01:04:49,952 --> 01:04:51,622
I'm sorry. What do people...

1392
01:04:52,856 --> 01:04:54,155
What do people order here?

1393
01:04:54,157 --> 01:04:56,591
I don't know.
I don't like being famous.

1394
01:04:56,593 --> 01:04:58,627
I don't like...

1395
01:04:58,629 --> 01:04:59,761
I don't like being
like a celebrity.

1396
01:04:59,763 --> 01:05:01,095
I don't like going out.
I just don't...

1397
01:05:01,097 --> 01:05:02,800
Could you not like look at me maybe?
I don't...

1398
01:05:03,767 --> 01:05:06,066
Shelley Duvall
from <i>The Shining.</i>

1399
01:05:06,068 --> 01:05:08,603
Please!

1400
01:05:08,605 --> 01:05:11,706
Just please take this
smoothie for me, please.

1401
01:05:11,708 --> 01:05:14,977
Okay. Is that Werner Herzog?

1402
01:05:16,613 --> 01:05:19,947
I would like
a neurotical smoothie

1403
01:05:19,949 --> 01:05:22,451
which is a representation

1404
01:05:22,453 --> 01:05:25,823
of the deepest parts
of my soul.

1405
01:05:26,890 --> 01:05:29,760
It should have
almond milk,

1406
01:05:31,028 --> 01:05:32,162
chaos,

1407
01:05:32,663 --> 01:05:34,097
fornication,

1408
01:05:35,132 --> 01:05:36,333
wheatgrass,

1409
01:05:37,968 --> 01:05:39,336
insanity,

1410
01:05:40,137 --> 01:05:41,238
coconips.

1411
01:05:42,306 --> 01:05:43,974
It should not have dairy.

1412
01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:47,609
It would be like
a serpent screaming

1413
01:05:47,611 --> 01:05:50,512
throughout my inner intestines.

1414
01:05:50,514 --> 01:05:54,282
<i>♪ Goji
berries Some bananas ♪</i>

1415
01:05:54,284 --> 01:05:58,220
<i>♪ Add some M protein Throw
in them mangoes Spirulina ♪</i>

1416
01:06:02,927 --> 01:06:04,759
<i>♪ Smoothie for Shakira</i>

1417
01:06:04,761 --> 01:06:06,328
Thank you.

1418
01:06:08,699 --> 01:06:09,966
It's okay.

1419
01:06:09,968 --> 01:06:12,768
I'm sure they
didn't really notice.

1420
01:06:12,770 --> 01:06:14,236
Did it get in your pussy?

1421
01:06:14,238 --> 01:06:15,237
Yeah.

1422
01:06:15,239 --> 01:06:16,638
Oh, girl!

1423
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:18,406
You gotta see
a gynecologist.

1424
01:06:18,408 --> 01:06:21,144
Oh, God! Oh, God!

1425
01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:24,981
- Ugh!
- I'm sorry.

1426
01:06:24,983 --> 01:06:27,215
Oh, my God. I can't believe
we both did Bjork.

1427
01:06:27,217 --> 01:06:28,450
Yeah.

1428
01:06:28,452 --> 01:06:30,051
Why don't you
drink that puke?

1429
01:06:30,053 --> 01:06:31,419
- No!
- Yeah.

1430
01:06:31,421 --> 01:06:32,724
Should I drink it?

1431
01:06:38,195 --> 01:06:39,662
Why did you get a car?

1432
01:06:39,664 --> 01:06:41,363
Does anybody walk?

1433
01:06:41,365 --> 01:06:43,098
No, it's LA.

1434
01:06:43,100 --> 01:06:44,967
We don't walk.
Are you kidding?

1435
01:06:44,969 --> 01:06:46,470
It's probably not that safe.

1436
01:06:48,272 --> 01:06:50,806
Honeless people are
like crazier here.

1437
01:06:50,808 --> 01:06:52,508
They are,
and I think it's because

1438
01:06:52,510 --> 01:06:54,913
they don't talk
to people often.

1439
01:06:55,312 --> 01:06:56,278
You know?

1440
01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:57,381
Hello?

1441
01:07:01,753 --> 01:07:03,285
What? Really?

1442
01:07:03,287 --> 01:07:05,253
Are you sure? 'Cause if I give
up my apartment in New York,

1443
01:07:05,255 --> 01:07:06,556
there is no going back.

1444
01:07:06,558 --> 01:07:08,860
And I will come after you if
something goes wrong. I will.

1445
01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:11,396
Thank you. Thanks.

1446
01:07:22,907 --> 01:07:24,342
You got it?

1447
01:07:24,909 --> 01:07:26,842
None of us got calls.

1448
01:07:26,844 --> 01:07:29,380
Yeah, yeah.
I got it. I'm...

1449
01:07:30,180 --> 01:07:31,482
Sorry. I'm sorry.

1450
01:07:33,083 --> 01:07:35,216
Oh, man!

1451
01:07:35,218 --> 01:07:36,519
Good job.

1452
01:07:36,521 --> 01:07:39,120
I just wanna...
Just wanna...

1453
01:07:39,122 --> 01:07:41,524
throw you against
the wall and...

1454
01:07:41,526 --> 01:07:43,259
I know.
I gotta go though.

1455
01:07:43,261 --> 01:07:44,994
- Fuck you.
- Cool.

1456
01:07:44,996 --> 01:07:47,964
I need to go and to be able
to support you as well.

1457
01:07:47,966 --> 01:07:50,299
Yeah, I'm also...
I'm gonna leave.

1458
01:07:50,301 --> 01:07:51,734
Fuck you.

1459
01:07:51,736 --> 01:07:53,002
- No, I'm sorry.
- Okay.

1460
01:07:53,004 --> 01:07:55,037
- Truly.
- Truly, fuck you.

1461
01:07:55,039 --> 01:07:56,405
- Yeah.
- No, I'm so sorry.

1462
01:07:56,407 --> 01:07:58,074
Truly, fuck you.

1463
01:07:58,076 --> 01:07:59,976
I can't fucking believe it.

1464
01:07:59,978 --> 01:08:02,178
Congrats.
A little clap for you.

1465
01:08:02,180 --> 01:08:04,847
I'm happy for you
on the inside.

1466
01:08:04,849 --> 01:08:06,148
The outside looks tense...

1467
01:08:06,150 --> 01:08:09,018
- I sense it.
- But the inside is joyful.

1468
01:08:09,020 --> 01:08:11,387
I just need to
have a cry.

1469
01:08:11,389 --> 01:08:13,825
I'm gonna cry in
a bathtub.

1470
01:08:20,465 --> 01:08:21,564
Hey.

1471
01:08:21,566 --> 01:08:24,266
- <i>Where are you?</i>
- At the bar down the street.

1472
01:08:24,268 --> 01:08:26,804
I figured you'd need a drink
one way or the other.

1473
01:08:28,107 --> 01:08:30,473
You figured right.

1474
01:08:30,475 --> 01:08:31,342
Well?

1475
01:08:32,777 --> 01:08:35,078
I...

1476
01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:36,579
- ...got it.
- You got it?

1477
01:08:36,581 --> 01:08:38,216
- I got it.
- What?

1478
01:08:40,284 --> 01:08:41,684
Larry Michaels wants
to meet me,

1479
01:08:41,686 --> 01:08:43,653
but I got it,
I fucking got it.

1480
01:08:43,655 --> 01:08:44,957
I fucking got it!

1481
01:08:48,027 --> 01:08:50,027
Welcome to the rest
of your life.

1482
01:08:50,029 --> 01:08:51,995
She's gonna be on
<i>Comedy Prime!</i>

1483
01:08:51,997 --> 01:08:53,997
She's on <i>Comedy Prime.</i>
I gotta watch the show.

1484
01:08:53,999 --> 01:08:55,966
Yes, you do.
Of course you have to watch.

1485
01:08:55,968 --> 01:08:57,433
Can we get fucked up now?

1486
01:08:57,435 --> 01:08:58,668
We got drinks right here.

1487
01:08:58,670 --> 01:08:59,903
- Oh, it's perfect.
- Come on.

1488
01:08:59,905 --> 01:09:01,040
We ready?

1489
01:09:26,098 --> 01:09:29,166
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Watch it, bitch.

1490
01:09:29,168 --> 01:09:31,034
Don't call me
a bitch, you bitch.

1491
01:09:31,036 --> 01:09:32,536
You touch me again,
you fucking midget...

1492
01:09:32,538 --> 01:09:33,603
What the fuck
is your problem?

1493
01:09:33,605 --> 01:09:34,771
Get the fuck
off my daughter!

1494
01:09:34,773 --> 01:09:36,008
I got her.

1495
01:09:37,275 --> 01:09:39,910
Wanna try again?
Wanna try again?

1496
01:09:39,912 --> 01:09:41,410
Come on. What? What?

1497
01:09:41,412 --> 01:09:42,313
Try again.

1498
01:09:45,084 --> 01:09:46,384
I gotta get
my fucking jacket.

1499
01:09:57,563 --> 01:09:58,895
So, what was that?

1500
01:09:58,897 --> 01:10:00,697
What was what?
Did you not...

1501
01:10:00,699 --> 01:10:03,100
She fucking bumped into me.
Did you not see that?

1502
01:10:03,102 --> 01:10:05,234
But it was by mistake.
It happens.

1503
01:10:05,236 --> 01:10:07,003
You can't just
start a fight

1504
01:10:07,005 --> 01:10:10,040
and just get up in the face of everybody
who accidentally bumps into you.

1505
01:10:10,042 --> 01:10:11,610
Hell of a dad though, right?

1506
01:10:12,811 --> 01:10:14,580
Wish you'd defended me
like that.

1507
01:10:15,514 --> 01:10:17,280
Defend you from what?

1508
01:10:17,282 --> 01:10:19,282
You started a fight with her
for no reason.

1509
01:10:19,284 --> 01:10:22,018
What, am I not ladylike enough
for you now? Is that it?

1510
01:10:22,020 --> 01:10:23,987
You know what?
I think you're drunk.

1511
01:10:23,989 --> 01:10:25,088
No, I'm not drunk.

1512
01:10:25,090 --> 01:10:26,959
- You've been drinking too much.
- I'm not.

1513
01:10:28,060 --> 01:10:29,628
What, you're just being
an asshole?

1514
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,235
What?

1515
01:10:36,702 --> 01:10:38,169
What is it?
I mean...

1516
01:10:38,171 --> 01:10:40,403
It must be nice, huh?

1517
01:10:40,405 --> 01:10:42,773
To look down from
your ivory tower.

1518
01:10:42,775 --> 01:10:44,276
What are you
talking about?

1519
01:10:44,877 --> 01:10:46,710
I'm Rafe.

1520
01:10:46,712 --> 01:10:49,579
I like nice things.

1521
01:10:49,581 --> 01:10:51,182
I make things with my hands.

1522
01:10:51,184 --> 01:10:52,783
I'm a California native.

1523
01:10:52,785 --> 01:10:54,017
I'm special.

1524
01:10:54,019 --> 01:10:55,088
I'm Rafe.

1525
01:10:55,721 --> 01:10:56,953
I'm Rafe.

1526
01:11:00,026 --> 01:11:01,892
What? What now?
Cat got your tongue?

1527
01:11:01,894 --> 01:11:03,660
'Cause I can just
keep going, you know.

1528
01:11:03,662 --> 01:11:07,898
You know, let's take...
I'm gonna take you home.

1529
01:11:07,900 --> 01:11:09,967
What, you wanna
fuck through this?

1530
01:11:09,969 --> 01:11:12,170
- No. Come on.
- The conflict, you know?

1531
01:11:12,172 --> 01:11:13,904
- No. Come on.
- 'Cause we can.

1532
01:11:13,906 --> 01:11:16,640
I know you...
You might like that.

1533
01:11:16,642 --> 01:11:17,743
I don't know.

1534
01:11:29,721 --> 01:11:31,057
Bye.

1535
01:11:37,362 --> 01:11:38,363
Lake.

1536
01:11:41,633 --> 01:11:42,634
Lake.

1537
01:11:44,670 --> 01:11:45,937
What are you doing?

1538
01:11:48,640 --> 01:11:51,144
Stream, ocean, brook!

1539
01:11:52,745 --> 01:11:53,713
Hello.

1540
01:11:54,413 --> 01:11:55,414
Lake.

1541
01:11:56,783 --> 01:11:58,084
Lake, Lake, Lake.

1542
01:11:59,585 --> 01:12:00,720
What the fuck, Nina?

1543
01:12:01,788 --> 01:12:03,587
I was trance writing.

1544
01:12:03,589 --> 01:12:07,293
I don't have time for
your bullshit right now, okay?

1545
01:12:07,961 --> 01:12:09,060
Okay, what's going on?

1546
01:12:09,062 --> 01:12:10,763
How do you... How...

1547
01:12:11,931 --> 01:12:13,333
Oh, God.

1548
01:12:15,001 --> 01:12:17,034
How does...
When he...

1549
01:12:17,036 --> 01:12:18,903
How... What do you...

1550
01:12:18,905 --> 01:12:20,204
Put your shit together.
Okay?

1551
01:12:20,206 --> 01:12:22,039
I can't. I can't.

1552
01:12:22,041 --> 01:12:23,941
You poor thing.

1553
01:12:23,943 --> 01:12:25,712
You're in such distress.

1554
01:12:26,179 --> 01:12:28,114
Nina, the truth

1555
01:12:28,681 --> 01:12:30,014
will set you free.

1556
01:12:30,016 --> 01:12:32,185
What if the truth
sends you to jail?

1557
01:12:32,652 --> 01:12:33,851
What?

1558
01:12:33,853 --> 01:12:35,086
Oh, my God.

1559
01:12:35,088 --> 01:12:36,988
Nina, did you commit
a crime?

1560
01:12:36,990 --> 01:12:39,924
No, I didn't...
Stop. I can't...

1561
01:12:39,926 --> 01:12:41,926
Look, the truth will
set you free.

1562
01:12:41,928 --> 01:12:44,395
People say that,
but that's...

1563
01:12:44,397 --> 01:12:46,831
John said that to the Jews,
and look where it got us.

1564
01:12:46,833 --> 01:12:50,134
I have no idea what we're
talking about anymore.

1565
01:12:50,136 --> 01:12:53,905
All I can tell you
is that Rafe is a solid dude.

1566
01:12:53,907 --> 01:12:57,577
You just have to tell him whatever
the fuck is bothering you.

1567
01:12:58,912 --> 01:13:00,480
Woman the fuck up, Nina.

1568
01:13:01,047 --> 01:13:02,448
Tell the truth.

1569
01:13:03,850 --> 01:13:05,386
The truth, here.

1570
01:13:44,590 --> 01:13:45,558
Hi.

1571
01:13:48,461 --> 01:13:49,396
How are you?

1572
01:13:50,230 --> 01:13:52,064
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

1573
01:13:52,066 --> 01:13:53,531
I'm sorry.

1574
01:13:53,533 --> 01:13:55,700
I didn't mean any of the
things I said about you.

1575
01:13:55,702 --> 01:13:57,202
You know that, right?

1576
01:13:57,204 --> 01:14:00,504
Well, actually, everything
you said was really true.

1577
01:14:00,506 --> 01:14:02,840
But it seems you don't like
that I'm that way.

1578
01:14:02,842 --> 01:14:05,010
I do. I...

1579
01:14:05,012 --> 01:14:07,480
I really like
everything about you.

1580
01:14:09,049 --> 01:14:10,648
I just... I don't know
why I did that.

1581
01:14:10,650 --> 01:14:11,782
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1582
01:14:11,784 --> 01:14:14,721
Let's talk about it later.
You have a show.

1583
01:14:15,923 --> 01:14:17,391
I didn't think
you'd come.

1584
01:14:18,691 --> 01:14:19,858
You invited me.

1585
01:14:19,860 --> 01:14:22,296
Yeah, I know. But I didn't
think you'd show now.

1586
01:14:23,730 --> 01:14:24,697
Thank you.

1587
01:14:26,066 --> 01:14:27,901
God, you're so
fucking solid.

1588
01:14:28,969 --> 01:14:30,337
I'm special.

1589
01:14:32,906 --> 01:14:34,274
I'm Rafe.

1590
01:14:35,142 --> 01:14:37,075
- I'm special.
- Ugh!

1591
01:14:37,077 --> 01:14:38,345
I'm Rafe.

1592
01:14:39,079 --> 01:14:40,511
I'm special.

1593
01:14:47,955 --> 01:14:49,356
Oh, hey.
What up, Nina?

1594
01:14:51,859 --> 01:14:53,158
- Hey, I'm Joe.
- What's up, man?

1595
01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:54,493
- Yeah.
- I'm Rafe.

1596
01:14:54,495 --> 01:14:56,028
You guys look good. She looks good.
How are you?

1597
01:14:56,030 --> 01:14:58,897
What... What are you
doing here?

1598
01:14:58,899 --> 01:15:01,433
I would have told you I was coming,
but you fucking blocked me.

1599
01:15:01,435 --> 01:15:02,968
I saw your post.
I thought you were funny.

1600
01:15:02,970 --> 01:15:04,202
She's really funny,
isn't she?

1601
01:15:04,204 --> 01:15:05,570
Fucking hilarious.

1602
01:15:05,572 --> 01:15:08,407
Don't leave, don't leave.
No, no, no. Nina.

1603
01:15:08,409 --> 01:15:10,842
He's not a good guy.
He's a cop. Hey...

1604
01:15:10,844 --> 01:15:11,743
I left her.

1605
01:15:11,745 --> 01:15:13,779
I left her, Nina.
I left her for you.

1606
01:15:13,781 --> 01:15:14,780
Don't fucking touch me.

1607
01:15:14,782 --> 01:15:16,281
I left her just like I...
Nina, look at me.

1608
01:15:16,283 --> 01:15:19,286
Will you do something?
Will you fucking protect me?

1609
01:15:22,890 --> 01:15:24,389
Ah, fuck!

1610
01:15:24,391 --> 01:15:25,993
Get the fuck off me.

1611
01:15:28,530 --> 01:15:30,664
Yeah, you can have her,
you fucking bitch.

1612
01:15:34,768 --> 01:15:35,936
Fuck!

1613
01:15:38,839 --> 01:15:40,238
Rafe...

1614
01:15:40,240 --> 01:15:42,274
Oh, so this is what you want? You
want us fighting over you now?

1615
01:15:42,276 --> 01:15:44,776
You want men
fighting over you now?

1616
01:15:44,778 --> 01:15:46,312
So he's married?

1617
01:15:46,314 --> 01:15:47,981
But he just left
his wife for you?

1618
01:15:48,949 --> 01:15:50,918
That's so nice. Wow!

1619
01:15:51,752 --> 01:15:53,819
A married cop?

1620
01:15:53,821 --> 01:15:55,457
That's great, Nina.

1621
01:15:56,458 --> 01:15:57,925
Does he have kids?

1622
01:15:59,693 --> 01:16:01,927
You know what?
Don't tell me.

1623
01:16:01,929 --> 01:16:05,163
I bet he chokes black people
for fun, too, huh?

1624
01:16:05,165 --> 01:16:06,800
- It's over.
- It is?

1625
01:16:07,335 --> 01:16:08,534
He's here.

1626
01:16:08,536 --> 01:16:10,470
He left his wife
for you.

1627
01:16:10,472 --> 01:16:12,639
You said you didn't
have relationships.

1628
01:16:15,210 --> 01:16:17,909
No snappy comeback now?
What?

1629
01:16:17,911 --> 01:16:19,811
What, you're just gonna
go on stage and act like

1630
01:16:19,813 --> 01:16:21,347
you're the strong,
independent woman

1631
01:16:21,349 --> 01:16:22,950
that always gets
what she wants?

1632
01:16:24,152 --> 01:16:25,553
The fuck out of here.

1633
01:16:48,009 --> 01:16:49,275
Nina?

1634
01:16:49,277 --> 01:16:52,078
Nina?
Nina Geld?

1635
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:53,946
Oh, my gosh!
It's Amy.

1636
01:16:53,948 --> 01:16:56,916
- Amy. I am your mother's best friend and neighbor.
- Oh, God. Yeah.

1637
01:16:56,918 --> 01:16:59,818
- Yeah. Hi.
- Oh, I'm here visiting my parents.

1638
01:16:59,820 --> 01:17:02,054
I saw that you were
acting here,

1639
01:17:02,056 --> 01:17:05,726
so I thought, why don't I just
go see what Deb's kid does.

1640
01:17:06,861 --> 01:17:09,262
So, um...
You okay?

1641
01:17:09,264 --> 01:17:10,229
Yeah.

1642
01:17:10,231 --> 01:17:11,564
Well, the reason why I ask is,

1643
01:17:11,566 --> 01:17:14,934
'cause, to be honest
with you, I've, um...

1644
01:17:14,936 --> 01:17:17,136
seen some of the clips

1645
01:17:17,138 --> 01:17:19,607
that you've been putting
on the Internet.

1646
01:17:20,375 --> 01:17:22,808
There's so much
anger in you.

1647
01:17:22,810 --> 01:17:24,243
I don't know why.

1648
01:17:24,245 --> 01:17:26,279
I mean, life is beautiful.

1649
01:17:26,281 --> 01:17:27,580
Don't you know that?

1650
01:17:27,582 --> 01:17:29,949
Yeah, it's not beautiful
for everybody, Amy.

1651
01:17:29,951 --> 01:17:31,119
It's just not.

1652
01:17:35,323 --> 01:17:36,556
Nina!

1653
01:17:36,558 --> 01:17:39,392
Congratulations
on the job, girl!

1654
01:17:39,394 --> 01:17:42,028
Is it just me, or are there more
people here tonight than usual?

1655
01:17:42,030 --> 01:17:43,329
Oh, yeah, yeah.
There are.

1656
01:17:43,331 --> 01:17:44,430
Word gets around fast.

1657
01:17:44,432 --> 01:17:46,299
Plus, I sent out
a mass email.

1658
01:17:46,301 --> 01:17:48,201
'Cause this is great for me.
I need this.

1659
01:17:48,203 --> 01:17:51,370
You know,
you're a name now.

1660
01:17:51,372 --> 01:17:54,042
All these people
are here to see you.

1661
01:17:54,610 --> 01:17:55,576
Okay?

1662
01:17:55,578 --> 01:17:57,678
So, it's no pressure,
but there really is.

1663
01:17:57,680 --> 01:18:00,413
Kind of a lot of pressure
on you to do great.

1664
01:18:00,415 --> 01:18:01,548
It's gonna be great.
It's gonna be great.

1665
01:18:01,550 --> 01:18:02,583
You guys ready
for our next act?

1666
01:18:02,585 --> 01:18:05,151
Give it up real big
for Nina Geld.

1667
01:18:14,463 --> 01:18:15,728
Hello.

1668
01:18:15,730 --> 01:18:17,397
Hello. Wow.

1669
01:18:17,399 --> 01:18:18,567
That's a lot of...

1670
01:18:20,569 --> 01:18:23,470
Lot of people here
tonight. Um...

1671
01:18:23,472 --> 01:18:26,573
More than usual.
I'm a little bit...

1672
01:18:26,575 --> 01:18:28,609
I think I'm a little
nervous here.

1673
01:18:28,611 --> 01:18:30,344
I had to build
my confidence up.

1674
01:18:30,346 --> 01:18:32,379
You know, I wish I had
the confidence of, like,

1675
01:18:32,381 --> 01:18:35,282
any guy walking into
a guitar center.

1676
01:18:35,284 --> 01:18:37,551
Just like any guy.

1677
01:18:37,553 --> 01:18:40,922
Just the pure,
unearned self-assurance

1678
01:18:41,323 --> 01:18:42,755
that you feel.

1679
01:18:42,757 --> 01:18:45,425
You know, I was gonna do...
I had a whole bit about, like

1680
01:18:45,427 --> 01:18:48,761
periods and shitting liquid,
and all this stuff.

1681
01:18:48,763 --> 01:18:51,163
But there's something
that just been bothering me,

1682
01:18:51,165 --> 01:18:52,568
and I think I'm gonna...

1683
01:18:53,736 --> 01:18:56,672
Um, I'm trying to be more
truthful in my life. So...

1684
01:19:04,413 --> 01:19:06,513
Oh. Thanks. Thank you.

1685
01:19:06,515 --> 01:19:10,217
So, what's that they say? They say the
truth will set you free, right? Yeah?

1686
01:19:10,219 --> 01:19:11,886
So I'm just gonna...

1687
01:19:13,788 --> 01:19:15,389
I'm just gonna
share it with you.

1688
01:19:15,391 --> 01:19:17,957
Hope...
Hope for that.

1689
01:19:17,959 --> 01:19:21,261
I've been reading a lot
of stuff about myself recently.

1690
01:19:21,263 --> 01:19:23,065
People seem to think
I'm negative.

1691
01:19:24,266 --> 01:19:26,602
Yeah, I know.
Negative. Huh!

1692
01:19:27,869 --> 01:19:29,071
Polarizing.

1693
01:19:29,705 --> 01:19:30,872
Angry.

1694
01:19:31,906 --> 01:19:34,476
Not the type of girl
you'd want to bring home.

1695
01:19:35,144 --> 01:19:36,512
Hmm.

1696
01:19:36,979 --> 01:19:37,911
Well, guess what.

1697
01:19:37,913 --> 01:19:40,649
I don't wanna fucking
go home with you.

1698
01:19:40,983 --> 01:19:42,151
Okay?

1699
01:19:45,587 --> 01:19:47,954
I recently ran into
this woman

1700
01:19:47,956 --> 01:19:50,390
who, um, I lived next door
to since I was a kid.

1701
01:19:50,392 --> 01:19:53,929
She was like, "Nina...

1702
01:19:54,663 --> 01:19:56,730
Why are you so angry?

1703
01:19:56,732 --> 01:20:00,636
I follow you on the computer
and it's really sad."

1704
01:20:02,104 --> 01:20:03,539
First of all,

1705
01:20:04,340 --> 01:20:06,406
fuck you, Amy.

1706
01:20:06,408 --> 01:20:08,675
Fuck you.
Why are you following me?

1707
01:20:08,677 --> 01:20:10,043
You love Nicholas Sparks.

1708
01:20:10,045 --> 01:20:12,946
You have no business
reading my shit, you cunt.

1709
01:20:12,948 --> 01:20:15,683
And just because
I grew up next door to you,

1710
01:20:15,685 --> 01:20:17,884
and I smiled every time
you recapped <i>Days of our Lives</i>

1711
01:20:17,886 --> 01:20:20,889
doesn't mean you're gonna like
my social media posts now, okay?

1712
01:20:21,758 --> 01:20:23,490
And also, I find it
pretty amusing

1713
01:20:23,492 --> 01:20:24,759
when people tell me
to cheer up.

1714
01:20:24,761 --> 01:20:26,159
Because considering
the shit I've been through,

1715
01:20:26,161 --> 01:20:27,896
I'm pretty fucking cheery.

1716
01:20:29,231 --> 01:20:32,432
People are like,
"Oh, you're such a man-hater.

1717
01:20:32,434 --> 01:20:34,771
God, you're always picking
on men." Yeah.

1718
01:20:38,608 --> 01:20:40,844
Oh, you haven't
seen anything yet.

1719
01:20:46,215 --> 01:20:49,318
You try being raped by your
own father for eight years.

1720
01:20:59,529 --> 01:21:01,831
See what that does
for your opinion of men.

1721
01:21:08,270 --> 01:21:09,271
Yeah.

1722
01:21:11,306 --> 01:21:13,374
Eight years of rape
will, um,

1723
01:21:13,376 --> 01:21:15,310
make anybody
a little irritated.

1724
01:21:16,646 --> 01:21:19,181
Not just in your vagina,
but in your head, too.

1725
01:21:21,917 --> 01:21:23,551
The thing fucking
Amy doesn't get

1726
01:21:23,553 --> 01:21:25,553
is she's lucky I don't
turn into the Hulk

1727
01:21:25,555 --> 01:21:27,657
every time somebody
says hello to me.

1728
01:21:30,293 --> 01:21:31,759
When a guy
asks for my number,

1729
01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:34,562
my immediate instinct is to break a
fucking beer bottle over his head.

1730
01:21:37,667 --> 01:21:39,269
It takes years

1731
01:21:41,970 --> 01:21:44,641
of recovery and therapy,
and...

1732
01:21:46,242 --> 01:21:47,610
...frankly drinking,

1733
01:21:48,645 --> 01:21:51,646
not to just
punch some dude out

1734
01:21:51,648 --> 01:21:53,648
who just wanted directions.

1735
01:21:53,650 --> 01:21:55,652
Oh, sorry, sir.
You said...

1736
01:21:57,153 --> 01:21:58,386
"Where is Venice Beach?"

1737
01:21:58,388 --> 01:22:00,356
I could have sworn you said,
"Where is your vagina, bitch?"

1738
01:22:02,958 --> 01:22:06,227
I remember this party I went to
in college where...

1739
01:22:06,229 --> 01:22:07,961
they were playing
stupid truth or dare games.

1740
01:22:07,963 --> 01:22:10,498
The hostess is like,
"How did you...

1741
01:22:10,500 --> 01:22:12,368
How did you lose
your virginity?"

1742
01:22:15,505 --> 01:22:17,240
None of your
fucking business.

1743
01:22:18,808 --> 01:22:22,009
You know, only virgins
ask this shit.

1744
01:22:22,011 --> 01:22:24,745
Or people who lived in a bubble
of protection their entire lives.

1745
01:22:24,747 --> 01:22:26,716
And yes, I am
jealous of them.

1746
01:22:29,252 --> 01:22:31,988
I'm jealous of their mothers
who come out to visit them.

1747
01:22:36,993 --> 01:22:39,095
What I wanted to say
was what happened.

1748
01:22:43,968 --> 01:22:45,803
How did I lose
my virginity?

1749
01:22:50,273 --> 01:22:52,073
Face down on the floor,

1750
01:22:52,075 --> 01:22:55,211
when I was 12, eyes on my cat,
while my father raped me.

1751
01:22:59,015 --> 01:23:01,215
Yeah, I know. It's not
great party conversation,

1752
01:23:01,217 --> 01:23:02,452
but you fucking asked.

1753
01:23:07,123 --> 01:23:09,092
But instead I made up
a story about

1754
01:23:10,260 --> 01:23:12,830
losing my virginity
to a boy I used to love.

1755
01:23:16,165 --> 01:23:17,935
'Cause that's what
I would have liked.

1756
01:23:20,537 --> 01:23:23,572
So, yeah, all in all, I think I'm
doing pretty well, you know.

1757
01:23:23,574 --> 01:23:25,774
I do what I love.

1758
01:23:25,776 --> 01:23:27,443
I'm a reasonably
good person.

1759
01:23:31,949 --> 01:23:33,782
I might even be able to
love somebody some day

1760
01:23:33,784 --> 01:23:35,351
the way that
they deserve it.

1761
01:23:41,391 --> 01:23:42,724
Yeah, catch you next time.

1762
01:23:42,726 --> 01:23:44,227
Thanks for coming.

1763
01:24:51,695 --> 01:24:53,564
<i>This is Rafe.
Leave a message.</i>

1764
01:25:15,086 --> 01:25:18,153
I hadn't thought
about him in so long.

1765
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:20,155
Van Halen one.
You were right.

1766
01:25:20,157 --> 01:25:21,757
Hey, Bree.
How you doing?

1767
01:25:21,759 --> 01:25:24,259
Mike! Mike, Mike, Mike!

1768
01:25:24,261 --> 01:25:26,029
Look what the cat
dragged in.

1769
01:25:26,031 --> 01:25:28,165
You, uh, seemed
a little...

1770
01:25:28,799 --> 01:25:29,999
It's really a hug there.

1771
01:25:30,001 --> 01:25:32,001
- Oh, I missed you.
- Missed me?

1772
01:25:32,003 --> 01:25:34,636
I heard you sort of had
a bit of a meltdown tonight.

1773
01:25:34,638 --> 01:25:37,639
Like really kooky. Talking about
fucking your dad or something?

1774
01:25:37,641 --> 01:25:40,676
Is that your <i>Tonight Show</i>
set you're working out?

1775
01:25:40,678 --> 01:25:42,479
Yeah, yeah.

1776
01:25:44,115 --> 01:25:45,549
You gotta take
some chances.

1777
01:25:48,119 --> 01:25:50,187
Slap a guy in the face
and laugh.

1778
01:26:00,999 --> 01:26:02,999
- Let me kiss you.
- Shut up.

1779
01:26:03,001 --> 01:26:05,003
I love you.
I love you.

1780
01:26:06,938 --> 01:26:08,738
- Nina, I'm ready to come.
- Good.

1781
01:26:08,740 --> 01:26:10,773
Oh, fuck!

1782
01:26:10,775 --> 01:26:13,277
Oh, fuck, yes! Oh!

1783
01:26:13,578 --> 01:26:14,646
Oh!

1784
01:26:36,868 --> 01:26:38,470
<i>How did you
lose your virginity?</i>

1785
01:26:40,337 --> 01:26:41,804
<i>None of your
fucking business.</i>

1786
01:26:41,806 --> 01:26:43,141
Shit.

1787
01:26:43,875 --> 01:26:45,610
<i>How did I lose
my virginity?</i>

1788
01:26:46,745 --> 01:26:48,511
<i>Face down on the floor,</i>

1789
01:26:48,513 --> 01:26:52,682
<i>when I was 12, eyes on my cat,
while my father raped me.</i>

1790
01:26:52,684 --> 01:26:55,017
<i>Yeah, I know. It's not
great party conversation,</i>

1791
01:26:55,019 --> 01:26:56,621
<i>but you fucking asked.</i>

1792
01:27:00,358 --> 01:27:01,459
Hi, Mom.

1793
01:27:56,215 --> 01:27:58,381
- <i>Hello?</i>
- Nina. Oh, my God.

1794
01:27:58,383 --> 01:28:00,817
<i>Are you okay? I've been
trying you all morning.</i>

1795
01:28:00,819 --> 01:28:02,154
Yeah, um...

1796
01:28:02,787 --> 01:28:03,921
Crazy night.

1797
01:28:03,923 --> 01:28:08,424
Yeah. I'm so sorry, honey.
I had no idea.

1798
01:28:08,426 --> 01:28:10,294
<i>Thanks, Carrie.</i>

1799
01:28:10,296 --> 01:28:13,462
Is everything okay? Did I get
fired from <i>Comedy Prime?</i>

1800
01:28:13,464 --> 01:28:14,697
<i>No, no, no, no.</i>

1801
01:28:14,699 --> 01:28:16,233
Hopefully
everything will be fine.

1802
01:28:16,235 --> 01:28:17,633
What do you mean
"hopefully"?

1803
01:28:17,635 --> 01:28:20,971
<i>Well, you're trending now, Nina.
It's a great thing.</i>

1804
01:28:20,973 --> 01:28:22,471
But you need
a publicist.

1805
01:28:22,473 --> 01:28:23,706
Why?

1806
01:28:23,708 --> 01:28:25,809
<i>Because now you're
the comedian who was raped,</i>

1807
01:28:25,811 --> 01:28:27,410
<i>and that is not
gonna go away.</i>

1808
01:28:27,412 --> 01:28:28,946
I"ll put you in touch
with Bunny.

1809
01:28:28,948 --> 01:28:30,147
- Bunny?
- Bunny.

1810
01:28:30,149 --> 01:28:32,117
She's the best, and she
was also a rape victim.

1811
01:28:32,483 --> 01:28:33,518
Survivor.

1812
01:28:34,419 --> 01:28:36,186
And you shouldn't
out her, Carrie.

1813
01:28:36,188 --> 01:28:38,521
Okay. Well,
Bunny will call you.

1814
01:28:38,523 --> 01:28:41,158
<i>And now I have to
go handle your career.</i>

1815
01:28:41,160 --> 01:28:43,394
Ooh. By the way,
do you wanna do an <i>SVU?</i>

1816
01:28:43,628 --> 01:28:44,630
No.

1817
01:29:20,933 --> 01:29:22,801
Say the word and
I'll kick him out, Nina.

1818
01:29:24,103 --> 01:29:26,036
Just... I'm here for you.

1819
01:29:26,038 --> 01:29:28,605
Hmm. Yeah. Thank you.

1820
01:29:28,607 --> 01:29:29,840
- Okay.
- It's okay.

1821
01:29:29,842 --> 01:29:30,743
Mmm-hmm.

1822
01:29:47,493 --> 01:29:48,761
I'm sorry.

1823
01:29:51,063 --> 01:29:52,464
I'm sorry I left.

1824
01:29:57,603 --> 01:29:58,837
It won't happen anymore.

1825
01:30:03,475 --> 01:30:05,544
I believe despite everything,

1826
01:30:06,578 --> 01:30:08,148
we're good together.

1827
01:30:33,772 --> 01:30:35,908
No, I don't know.

1828
01:31:26,459 --> 01:31:28,560
I got you, I got you.

1829
01:31:29,496 --> 01:31:31,264
Does the cat
make you feel better?

1830
01:31:31,865 --> 01:31:32,799
Yeah.

1831
01:31:34,600 --> 01:31:36,134
I love you.

1832
01:31:36,136 --> 01:31:37,904
You know,
it is really nice here.

1833
01:31:39,139 --> 01:31:40,304
It is really nice.

1834
01:31:40,306 --> 01:31:42,306
Yeah, it's all right.

1835
01:31:42,308 --> 01:31:44,944
So, house cats.
I thought they'd be bigger.

1836
01:32:02,729 --> 01:32:03,930
You're very funny, Nina.

1837
01:32:05,632 --> 01:32:07,468
Oh. Hi. Um...

1838
01:32:09,503 --> 01:32:11,602
So nice to meet you. Thank so
much for this opportunity.

1839
01:32:11,604 --> 01:32:13,004
We're in here.

1840
01:32:13,006 --> 01:32:14,007
Okay.

1841
01:32:17,777 --> 01:32:20,512
Now, I usually like to ask
people I'm interested in hiring

1842
01:32:20,514 --> 01:32:22,248
about their childhood.

1843
01:32:23,417 --> 01:32:26,084
What did their parents do.
That type of thing.

1844
01:32:26,086 --> 01:32:28,322
Eases most people
into conversation.

1845
01:32:29,722 --> 01:32:32,324
Considering your performance
on Friday,

1846
01:32:32,326 --> 01:32:36,328
that seems
a bit perfunctory.

1847
01:32:36,330 --> 01:32:38,566
I'm happy to tell you
about my parents, sir.

1848
01:32:39,199 --> 01:32:40,698
Oh, call me Larry, please.

1849
01:32:40,700 --> 01:32:43,134
I already feel old enough
as it is.

1850
01:32:43,136 --> 01:32:44,804
Larry. Okay.

1851
01:32:45,705 --> 01:32:47,974
We're in a funny place
right now.

1852
01:32:49,376 --> 01:32:51,310
People think
they want reality,

1853
01:32:51,312 --> 01:32:54,213
but they really want
a curated reality.

1854
01:32:54,215 --> 01:32:56,950
A bit of performance,
a bit of hope.

1855
01:32:59,052 --> 01:33:01,752
You're a very
strong performer.

1856
01:33:01,754 --> 01:33:05,559
I know you can do wonderful
things here at Comedy Prime.

1857
01:33:06,093 --> 01:33:08,828
But you've also come out

1858
01:33:10,097 --> 01:33:12,297
with this very
powerful voice

1859
01:33:12,299 --> 01:33:13,631
against abuse.

1860
01:33:13,633 --> 01:33:17,035
And I'm wondering if that's
all people are gonna see

1861
01:33:17,037 --> 01:33:18,405
when they see you.

1862
01:33:19,440 --> 01:33:20,673
What do you think?

1863
01:33:24,512 --> 01:33:28,983
I think if that information prevents
people from enjoying me play Taylor Swift,

1864
01:33:29,782 --> 01:33:31,018
then that's on them.

1865
01:33:32,785 --> 01:33:35,154
I mean, you've had plenty
of people on your show

1866
01:33:35,156 --> 01:33:38,357
that have had drinking problems,
or drug problems, or...

1867
01:33:38,359 --> 01:33:40,025
They probably hit women.

1868
01:33:40,027 --> 01:33:41,260
Sure, sure.

1869
01:33:41,262 --> 01:33:42,628
But people didn't know
about it then.

1870
01:33:42,630 --> 01:33:44,565
It's a brand new world now.

1871
01:33:45,399 --> 01:33:46,999
I feel like
I'm being blamed.

1872
01:33:47,001 --> 01:33:48,903
No. No.

1873
01:33:50,404 --> 01:33:52,573
It makes no difference
to me, you see.

1874
01:33:55,376 --> 01:33:56,909
It was an awful thing.

1875
01:33:56,911 --> 01:33:58,711
I'm glad you got it
off your chest.

1876
01:34:01,681 --> 01:34:04,752
I, uh, wanted to know
how you felt about it.

1877
01:34:06,453 --> 01:34:08,887
I hire talented performers,

1878
01:34:08,889 --> 01:34:12,057
but also people I know
I'm gonna feel comfortable with

1879
01:34:12,059 --> 01:34:14,026
when shit hits the fan.

1880
01:34:14,028 --> 01:34:15,829
- Hmm?
- Right. Yeah.

1881
01:34:21,168 --> 01:34:22,770
I gotta think about it, Nina.

1882
01:34:23,605 --> 01:34:25,472
Thanks for coming in
to see me.

1883
01:34:28,242 --> 01:34:30,643
- <i>Hello.</i>
- Hey, did you have your baby yet?

1884
01:34:30,645 --> 01:34:33,045
Oh, yes. I had her
yesterday morning.

1885
01:34:33,047 --> 01:34:34,213
She's real cute.

1886
01:34:34,215 --> 01:34:37,816
No name yet, but I cannot
wait to get to know her.

1887
01:34:37,818 --> 01:34:39,851
<i>So how was your interview
with Larry Michaels?</i>

1888
01:34:39,853 --> 01:34:43,855
I don't know. It felt like I was
being interviewed by the patriarchy.

1889
01:34:43,857 --> 01:34:46,124
He said he'd have to
think about it, so...

1890
01:34:46,126 --> 01:34:47,159
Not getting it, right?

1891
01:34:47,161 --> 01:34:49,394
Ooh. Yeah, that's not good.

1892
01:34:49,396 --> 01:34:52,032
You know what? Fuck Larry
Micheals and his...

1893
01:34:54,168 --> 01:34:55,437
Hi.

1894
01:34:58,473 --> 01:34:59,771
Where are you
right now?

1895
01:34:59,773 --> 01:35:01,576
Just saying hi
to a friend.

1896
01:35:04,245 --> 01:35:05,777
Listen, can you book me?

1897
01:35:05,779 --> 01:35:08,749
Will anybody book me? I need
to get back on the horse.

1898
01:35:20,662 --> 01:35:22,129
- Hey, Nina.
- Mm-hmm.

1899
01:35:23,030 --> 01:35:24,566
You've got two minutes.

1900
01:35:26,033 --> 01:35:26,900
Yo.

1901
01:35:27,469 --> 01:35:28,869
That viral video...

1902
01:35:29,837 --> 01:35:31,071
Shit was dope.

1903
01:35:32,507 --> 01:35:34,207
So don't fuck it up tonight.

1904
01:35:34,209 --> 01:35:36,444
Thank you.
Thanks. Thanks.

1905
01:35:49,491 --> 01:35:50,791
Where's you, Charlie?

1906
01:35:53,328 --> 01:35:54,763
You should have
taken care of me.

1907
01:35:57,632 --> 01:35:59,833
You should have looked out
for me just a little bit.

1908
01:36:02,637 --> 01:36:04,572
I could have been
a contender.

1909
01:36:15,750 --> 01:36:17,885
Who's the boss? Who's the boss?
Who's the boss?

1910
01:36:20,922 --> 01:36:22,288
Who's the boss?
Who's the boss?

1911
01:36:35,770 --> 01:36:38,438
<i>Whoa, Los Angeles.
Hi. Hi.</i>

1912
01:36:38,440 --> 01:36:43,309
<i>Thank you so much for coming to
see my follow up rape routine.</i>

1913
01:36:46,616 --> 01:36:51,616
Subtitles by explosiveskull

1913
01:36:52,305 --> 01:36:58,278
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